I've pretty much always known I was gay (well from 6 anyway) and my parents have pretty much always known. This may have been why they have treated me differently and ultimately why at 32 I'm finally cutting contact for my relationship, happiness and ultimately because I want to live my life. I am out everywhere and yet after 9.5 years with a wonderful, loving and supportive husband, they still can't accept it. Whether it's introducing him as my friend (ARGGGHHHHHHH), inviting me to family gatherings, going on family trips and not inviting us or being dismissive about my job, my cat, my car etc. (basically any facet of my life). The final straw came when they said that my partner wasn't in the same category as my sisters partner. It then finally clicked - they would never accept me/my relationship and it wouldn't matter who I was with. I have cut contact and although they've tried the same old tricks (emotional manipulation etc)it is not working and I've told them I want to cut contact for a while (they wanted to a few years ago!). They aren't happy (no control etc) and have threatened that I won't get my inheritance (my response has always been - spend it/no amount of money is worth putting up with b.s). All I wanted was to be respected and supported - I guess that's too much to ask for. I have been happier in the last 3 weeks and while my partner did not have any input into the decision, he has said I should keep some contact with them. At this stage I really cannot be bothered - I've said they either have to accept me and treat my partner like they would treat my siblings or they won't see me. They won't be here forever, however, I'm sick of being judged and made to feel that my relationship/my whole life is second rate. Why can't parents get over it (I didn't chose this) and be happy that I'm successful - I work full time in i.t, am getting credits/distinctions at uni and have not relied on them since I was 18. As of now - my partner/cat and friends are my family. My birth family are more like acquaintances. It's bad to say, but if I never saw them again I wouldn't care - this is how much they've pissed me off/pushed me! We are moving in 2 months and if I never see them again then so be it. Have I been too harsh or is it understandable? I want to be happy and after 9.5 years am just tired - I'm tired of being judged, I'm tired of jumping through ever increasing hoops and I'm tired of them treating me/my partner like dirt. They say family is thicker than blood - well in my experience, this isn't the case. Should I even bother or live my life and then re-connect when and if I'm ready? What would you do?
Maybe give them a second chance eventually, but only once you're settled and comfortable enough, in a couple years agree to meet them. If they still treat you like shit, don't give them a third chance.
I think you're totally within your rights to do what you need to do to avoid what is obviously poisonous for you. If you've got the strength for it, you might also like to outline for them exactly why you're separating yourself from them. Examples of their dismissiveness, derogatory comments, whatever and how it all makes you feel disregarded, undervalued, crappy, etc. Write it out and/or tell them in person. And then go. It might be the only way they'll learn. If they're going to.
Good for you! I wouldn't let them into your inner circle again unless they apologise and promise to treat you and your partner with respect. Maybe it will get better after you move. I have found that distance can improve many relationships.
