When I came out to my family. I honestly thought that my dad would be the problem. Or that my mother would insist on going to church more. I was raised in a Conservative home, and went to a Lutheran Church. I am the middle child of three. and My parents were together until I was 18. neither my mother, nor my father reacted the way I thought they would. My mom gave me the most simple response, and the most loving response, in history. "Guess what, I still love you." My dad. being the more serious of the two. told me that it was my life and if it made me happy he was happy. But since he has grown to actually defend me from some of my more... annoying family members. My little sister (4 Year difference), was amazing. We laughed and pulled up pictures of guys and talked about which ones were cute. and to this day she remains one of my biggest allies. Even when I don't know she is doing it. (She once told a guy off in school for Gay bashing someone. She is one of the popular kids at school. now Gay bashing is un-cool at her school.) And I know some of you are wondering why at this point I am at a loss. Some of you wonder why with a great support system like that. how could I feel... Ashamed.. My older brother. (Two Years difference.) He and I grew up the right way. We stood together. we fought each other. We defended each other. We were raised in the most simple way. Blood is thicker than water. We were the kids in the front yard sword fighting with sticks and building our own worlds. Where I would be a Vampire Lord, who ran the dark armies of the night, always doing battle against humanity, lead by my brother. We had something that none of my friends had with their siblings. An actual friendship. We were close. I remember the day I told him. It was almost a year after I told my mother. I was now 16. We were at a Mexican food restaurant, we had just had the most amazing day. My sister brother and I had gone mini golfing, to the movies and now out to eat? We were all getting along. It was... all in all a perfect day. I actually felt like myself. My sister and I had secretly checked out guys. So... I told him before we ordered... or before we were going to order. We left. He didn't say one word to me. he got up went to the car and drove us all home. We didn't speak for a month. He would walk past me as I said his name. Making it clear. that he didn't want me in his life. The only reason he broke down and talked to me was because my mother forced him to, But our relationship was never the same. He went to college and found God. Not the God I know. But a hateful spiteful God. Who tells him I will burn. And this is the faith that he has come to love. My brother... the brother I grew up with is dead. and with him part of me died. Recently he went off on Facebook attacking my christianity telling me I am not folowing the true path. He claims he did it out of love. Out of... fear that I would not see heaven. But I turned him away. I couldn't take his hatred anymore. Now we are back to not speaking. and I find myself. Dead inside. My blood, has turned on me. And If I have to hear one more time... that "He will come around." I will cry. I am 22 now. And I have no brother. Ontop of that I havent been to church in lord knows how long. They told me I could come back when I returned to god and brought some of my "Brothers" with me. I have nobody to tell this to. My friends have their own problems. And I am the rock for everyone. But I can't keep being strong. "Hear me now. Im standin' on the edge and I'm thinkin' Maybe six feet aint so far down."
I'm sorry about your brother. It's really tough to lose a beloved family member that way. There are many religious arguments for love and acceptance instead of hate, but he might not be open to those arguments at the moment and you are probably tired of arguing, anyway.
if you didnt say he did that for fear and love, I would. Religuios people do things to satsfy god, in hope that will make their life better. Idk, but maybe when he feels that you won't change, he ll love you for who you are. My sister reacted like that, but now she is okay. Good luck
I am going through the same thing with my sisters. My parents fully accepted along with other relatives but my sisters for their own selfish reasons never accepted it. My older sister who is 25 refuses to acknowledge supposedly because her father in law is a huge republican homophobe and if he finds out it will be bad for her. Plus her husband s family are rich italian catholics and no way could she ever support me because of what they would do to her. The saddest part she has no problem with anyone else being gay but me being gay was the worst thing possible and even in our last argument she never really told why she felt the way she did. I rather she was dead than do what she was doing to me. When it comes to other people's decisions and how they react to news like this it up to them to make that change. You owe your brother nothing. Let him come around and talk to you first. If he doesn't ever talk to you again it his loss and believe me I know how hard it is to accept but you cannot change people because they have to be the one to make that change. It did not matter what explanation I had and every conversation was like hitting a brick wall. I hope your situation gets better and if you ever need advice or just to rant about it your welcome to do so. It is hard to lose someone especially a family member but finding people that to do support will help make it better.
I'm pleased you were able to tell us about this, as awful as it is. Many of us have experienced bad reactions when coming out to family and friends and even though we can empathise, we can never truly understand the unique pain you must be feeling. I send you lots of hugs. (*hug*) I'm not going to tell you that your brother will "come round", because, in all honesty, I don't know if he will. While he is fixated on a horrible set of beliefs it does seem unlikely, doesn't it? Just know that for every person who holds these negative and hostile beliefs, there are many, many more who don't. I know that doesn't help with your Brother, but when you are confronted with such vitriol in the name of religion it can lead you to think that all believers are the same and they are not. For many people faith is grounded in the more hopeful messages of love, tolerance and compassion. I think it's important to make that point. Your Brother clearly meant (means?) a lot to you. It wasn't just the love of a Brother you found in him, but the bond of friendship too and I can sense from your words how very special that was to you. To lose all of that must feel devastating and it cannot be denied. I had one younger Sister who passed away several years ago and the pain of losing her was crushing to me, as she (like your Sister) was my biggest ally. When you look at your life as a whole is it so intricately wound up in your relationship with your Brother, that without him, nothing seems worthwhile? Forgive the bluntness of that question, but as I read your posting that's almost how it comes across - especially as I read that last sentence. It's a sad reality that the people who should love and nurture us throughout our lives can be the one's to cause us the greatest and most enduring pain and we are sometimes forced to make a decision about our relationship with them. This isn't just about coming out either - family relationships can be destroyed by many hurtful comments and events. So what do we do? Do we hang on and keep hoping for reconciliation, or do we dig deep within ourselves to live again, free from the chains of hurt and agony they leave us with? If we hang on in that vain hope we may never give ourselves the opportunity to heal, but if we cut the chains, we can - potentially - build new and authentic relationships with people who love us no matter what. Breaking the chains isn't easy, but sometimes it's the only way to get our lives back and start living again. It's a gut wrenching thing to do, but if you manage it and are able to create those new relationships, you may gain far more than you will lose. That may seem hopelessly optimistic now and hard to believe when you are hurting so much, but there are many people on here (and beyond) who can testify to it. I truly hope you make it.
I'm very sorry for your experience. That said, it does you no good to dwell on your brother's lack of acceptance. He will eventually have to face up to what he as done, and frankly it sounds like he may have other issues if he thinks being gay is so repulsive (there's some research suggesting extreme homophobes may have some same-sex attractions). It's likely his personality gravitates to black-and-white thinking and fundamentalism, which will be very hard to overcome. Stick with those who truly love and accept you. You are lucky to have your parents and sister as accepting, and it's likely your brother's intolerance will only serve to isolate him from them. Also, you definitely should not go it alone or bottle up your emotions. That will only make you bitter. Talk to your friends, even if they have their own problems. Not everyone will be always be available, but just getting things off your chest will help.
I want to thank everyone for the support Ya'll have shown here. While I am not sure about my brother I am starting to think I need to find a good church to join, and build my roots again. I will keep ya'll posted if.. anything develops between my brother and I.
