In love with my female friend, what to do?

Hey

First I want to apologize in advance for what's going to be one very long post. I just have so much on my mind and I need to vent it out somehow. I am not really all that comfortable talking about my feelings, never really have been. Especially not to complete strangers, but they say it's healthy to talk about your feelings, so I guess I'll give it a try...

I am a 16 year old bisexual female. I have been attracted to women for some time but only officially came out about 8 months ago. So thing is; I am head over heels in love with one of my best friends. I know myself well enough to know that this isn't just a little crush. She's basically everything I think about and I'm sure I wouldn't hesitate to put her life before my own, I just can't bear the thought of losing her, ever. But I'm waay too scared to tell her how I feel.

This girl is like no other I've ever met. She's everything but girly, hates everything that has to do with romance (I'm honestly not sure if she even understands it at some points, she has never been in a relationship)and she's very artistic by nature. And did I mention the fact that she's a pretty moody person and at times talking to her is like talking to a brick wall? (She has a hard time expressing feelings...)

I first met her a year ago through a mutual friend of mine, but I didn't really get to know her well until about 4 months ago. We were on this convention for science fiction and fantasy interested people (more or less like comic con) and there I spent three days with her and our mutual friend. That's where I really fell for her. Everything about her attracts me, she has the most beautiful crystal blue eyes and she smells wonderful, I love her hair and her laugh and the way she talks and basically everything else about her.

I have always been a pretty reserved person, especially when it comes to bodily contact. But this girl (let's call her... hmm I dunno? Siri shall we?) is a very cuddly person in every sense of the word. She likes hugs, holding hands, sharing clothes and whatnot. So we had this amazing weekend where I really got to know her.
After that we've met a few other times, all three of us and only me and Siri, and I don't think there has been a single day where we haven't talked over text or facebook. (both of my friend lives a few hours away from me so I don't really get to see them in person all that often)

So after the convention I talked to her constantly over text. She even sent me "get your ass out of bed!" messages every morning to wake me up.

The first time we were really alone we had a sleepover. She came to my place for a few days over the summer vacation. We had so much fun watching TV-series and talking and playing video games and whatnot. But the weird thing about the whole sleepover was that she insisted upon sleeping in my bed, even though there was plenty of room and I had even arranged for her to sleep in the bed next to me she insisted upon sleeping IN my bed. Not only did she sleep next to me but she literally wanted to sleep on top of me, or in my arms. I haven't slept in the same bed with another person since like, fifth grade? But there she was, insisting upon sleeping as close to me as was humanly possible.
So I thought; okay? that's weird... But as far as I know that's just the way she acts around other people. I know she does stuff like this on our other friend too... She's a cuddler, got it.

So this continued for a couple of weeks, she sent me messages constantly. Sending me her drawings, talking about her day, talking about our common interests and so on.
Just recently we had another sleepover (all three of us this time, I was Siri's birthday) and God was that a few interesting days...

Just ss last time she insisted upon sleeping on top of me, preferably in my arms or on my stomach. And as I thought this was something she did on everyone, I didn't give it much thought. But this time our mutual friend were with us too. Siri and our other friend have known each other for much longer than I have known any of them so I thought it would only be natural for Siri to want to sleep in the same bed as and talk more to our other friend. But she didn't really give much attention to her at all, I seemed to be her main focus throughout our stay. She also has a habit of staring into my eyes for far longer than what's normal.

But the thing about Siri is that she is completely and utterly oblivious to basically anything that has to do with romance or sex, and she's not uncomfortable with nudity or bodily contact at all. All three of us even showered together one time during our stay. (with bikinis mind you) As a girl that's pretty damn attracted to other girls that whole experience was... interesting, to say the least O_O

Is this normal behaviour for teenage girls? (keep in mind that she's everything but girly and touchy-feely, or an usual teenage girl for that matter...)

By now I think she knows that I am bisexual. I haven't really officially come out to her yet because I'm scared it's going to feel awkward. (do you think I should?) But I have tried to give her some hints here and there and she's probably caught up to it by now.

The last thing I would like to mention is this one time just recently where she suddenly started asking me about what it feels like to have a crush or be in love. Naturally I was a bit confused but I told her what I knew from past experiences (to be honest I basically just explained to her how I felt around her, but I naturally didn't tell her that she was the one I liked) After I was done explaining, she basically just said that she found it all strange and silly and that she'd never felt that way towards anyone...

I desperately need some advice. Do you think I should tell her how I feel? (and if yes; how to do this without ruining our friendship? Is there any way I could give her some hints? And do you think she might feel the same way in any way? As far as I know she's straight, but because of the fact that she has never been in any relationships and that she finds it all silly makes it hard to guess.

So, that's it! Thank you sooo much for reading through all that I'm so sorry for the long post xD

 

Haha, well. that's the thing. She's... hard to read to say the least. She literally has no problem with being "flirted" with in that sense. I don't even think she perceives it as flirting to be honest. She's completely and utterly oblivious to everything that has to do with romance really.

I think she's quite comfortable with the whole LGBT community though, but as I said; she doesn't care much for romance or relationships at all, so to be honest I don't really think she has any strong opinions about it either way.

When it comes to the mutual friend: for several reasons I am not too comfortable with talking to her about it unfortunately, so that's kinda not an option.

Any advice on how I could hint in the general direction that I like her? Without being creepy or weird or flat out say that I love her (I am waay to scared to ever do that) and preferably without ruining our friendship?

I haven't really told her directly that I am bisexual either, is there any way I could hint to that too?

and thanks for the advice! Muuuch appreciated ^__^

 

I have thought of that myself. I think it's a mix really. To some degree she is pretty damn oblivious but she probably likes to pretend she doesn't understand everything too. She has problems talking about feelings so that's probably her way of coping with it or something.

I will see what I can do with the coming out thing. It's always pretty hard to come out to someone directly but I'll try my best.

Thanks for all the help! (*hug*)