Hi! I had a crush on one of my female colleagues a few months ago. Then I couldn't get her out of my mind. The crush started after she lightly touched my arm one day while we were joking around. That caught me off guard. After that, I started taking notice of her. She seemed interested in me because of her flirting. Suddenly, all flirting stopped. She would treat me like any other colleague. I don't know if it was me who caused it or if she lost interest. It was and still is painful. So, I decided to go along with her decision. Since she doesn't want to look at me anymore, I did the same. She has even stopped coming to my desk for chitchats. She would rather go to other colleagues' desks. So I did the same. Because we all have to pass by her desk to get to the other side of the office, so I just pass by without stopping or looking or talking to her. I just chat with another colleague at that colleague's desk. So maybe she felt hurt, she also does the same. That is, she's now always at that collegue's desk chatting. Oh and another thing. She's treating me like she has unfriended me. So, basically, just another colleague or acquaintance. And it hurts a lot because we were close. I don't know if she still has any interest in me but I'm having a hard time trying to forget about her. She's always on my mind. I can't seem to get rid of her from my mind. So, I've been thinking whether I should just confront her and spill my feelings to her so that I can move on if she is not remotely interested in me anymore. But there's the risk of her being shock at me when she didn't even have any feelings for me in the first place. FYI, I don't even know if she's gay or bi. So, should I spill my beans/guts/feelings? Would that make me seem weak or desperate?
It would be a shame to just let things go by, especially since you at least seem to regret what you've done. However, you don't really know why she has "changed," and it could be something totally unrelated. So, it's probably best not to just burst out with your feelings, especially since you aren't out. Instead, you could slowly get back on friendly terms with her. It may be easier on you to first come out to her and see how she responds before telling your feelings. Whatever you decide, you are not weak or desperate.
Maybe she scared herself off because she got too close and felt like she needed to pull away? Maybe try talking to her about it gently if you get the chance. Something like, "hey, its so odd that we never talk like we used to anymore. I feel really bad about it, I was wondering if it was something I did?". Saying something like that can get your thoughts out without pointing a finger! good luck, I hope things work out somehow!
What if she stopped flirting with you, because she felt like you were brushing her off? That might have made her feel awkward and pushed her into retreating. My tip is to start smiling at her again. Maybe try to get into conversation by walking into her while you're with another colleague and like introduce that colleague to her. Tell her how long it has been.
