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I feel like my orientation has become the elephant in the room.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ghost93, Sep 5, 2014.

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  1. Ghost93

    Ghost93
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    I am currently in the beginning of my senior year at a conservative Christian college and am looking forward to graduation so I can be more open about my life.

    Over the summer I told one of my former roommates from the previous semester that I was gay and he was totally fine with it. I had a feeling I could trust him since he tends to be a bit more liberal. However I found out later that he told my other previous roommate (for security reasons, lets just call him Bob) and Bob's girlfriend. Apparently, "Bob" told two of my other friends who live with him.

    Now the person I initially told said that no one seemed to make a big deal about it. And when I returned to college and briefly visited Bob and his girlfriend they acted friendly enough.

    But something just felt awkward about all of my conversations with Bob and his girlfriend. They just didn't feel relaxed and natural like they used to be. In addition, neither Bob or his girlfriend have made a single comment about me being gay. Both of them had made homophobic comments the previous semester, so I know that they probably aren't completely indifferent to it.

    Yet I don't know how to bring the subject up. They know I'm gay, I know they know I'm gay, yet I don't know how to address the situation since I never actually got to come out to them in person. I don't know whether they haven't brought up my sexuality because they are trying to show that its not a big deal to them or whether they are not bringing it up because they are trying to pretend that I'm not gay or whether they haven't brought it up because they feel very awkward about it and don't know how start a conversation about it.

    I feel this is something that needs to be addressed but I just don't know how to initiate the conversation. I don't want to come across as confrontational because at the moment I really have no idea what my friend (and the friends he told) truly think of me. I never got that resolution you get when you normally come out to someone.

    Does anyone have advice on how I should bring this up? It's been almost three weeks since school started and I've hardly hung out with some of my friends because I haven't felt entirely comfortable with them yet since I don't know how they feel about me.
     
    #1 Ghost93, Sep 5, 2014
  2. OGS

    OGS
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    I think you bring it up as casually as you possibly can--point out an attractive media figure, something like that. I don't think you have to have a sit down there's something I have to tell you moment--I actually wouldn't suggest that since they already know, but you do have to at least mention it. There could be many reasons that they haven't brought it up but my money from experience is on the fact that they don't know whether or not they are supposed to know. So--they know you're gay, you know they know you're gay, but my guess is that they don't know that you know that they know--or even if they know you know they don't know if you wanted them to know. In my experience while people may blab about small secrets most of them are remarkably respectful about large secrets--if they aren't supposed to know, they're going to pretend they don't know.
     
    #2 OGS, Sep 5, 2014
  3. Ghost93

    Ghost93
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    Thats a good point. Maybe I should ask the friend that told them if they know that I know that they know I'm gay.
     
    #3 Ghost93, Sep 6, 2014
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