Losing one of my best friends, please help

So, a few weeks ago, I kind of embarrassed myself a lot. I was at a leadership camp with people from school (one of my best friends/the person I liked among them, let's call them "E"). During the course of the first day at the camp it started to become clear that the person I liked probably liked another guy that I knew. They were spending a lot of time together and another one of my friends was like trying to set them up a bit as well. This started to make me feel really crappy and depressed and I was a bit sick as well so I kind of didn't eat much and excused myself to go lie down at dinner. I ended up talking to a mutual friend of mine and E's (Let's call him O) and admitted to them that I liked E and that was a large part in why I felt so bad (though I was legitimately sick on top of things).

At this point I kind of had an emotional breakdown for a few reasons. One, it was being clear that my friend E probably didn't like me back, especially after O confirmed that E had talked about the guy they were spending time with to him before. I also was having a breakdown because I was sleeping in an all girl cabin with 7 other girls for the first time in my life, and being trans, I was incredibly nervous. I needed my friend E(a closeted trans man) who was in the cabin with me to help get me through the weekend being in that cabin with those other girls, but I also felt shitty around E because of them spending so much time with that guy.

So, talking with O, we decided it might be a good idea to let E know what was going on, namely that I liked them and that was why I wasn't feeling well, so they could be aware of what was going on with me as well as know that I really still needed their support for the weekend being in the cabin with all those girls.

Whether that was a good idea or not, I don't know (at this point, leaning towards a horrible idea). The worst part is though, that because I was having such a breakdown at the time, I was completely emotionally exhausted and couldn't handle telling E. This is where O offered to talk to E for me. I didn't like the idea but I ended up continuing to have my emotional breakdown at the thought of E ignoring me after I told them that I liked them, and then being completely alone in the cabin with all those girls. Like, I couldn't even return to the camp, because everything made me so fucking nervous (me and O had wandered a short ways away to talk). At this point O was just like, "ya I'm texting E and telling them we need to talk". They talked and apparently E had said that I'm still one of their best friends and everything is fine.

I feel like an idiot for not being able to tell E how I felt, but it wasn't like I had O talk to E to see if they liked me back, I just wanted E to know why I was being the way I was and that I still needed them. I feel cowardly for it, considering I'm fucking 23 (actually all of this transpired on my birthday so I was exactly 23 on that day), but really I couldn't have done it at the time due to the emotional state I was in. I wish that E never found out that I liked them now though.

E and I were fine enough during the camp trip, they mostly spent time with that guy, and I hung out with some other friends. The whole time though we never even talked about how I liked them. I tried to, but ended up just apologizing for being a weirdo (for being all withdrawn and stuff, as well as for the way I told them, but I didn't really make that clear, I just had hoped to include that under "weirdo"). After the trip, we have barely even talked since.

This is one of my best friends. I talked to E pretty much all summer, through text and online. I was the first person they ever came out to as being a trans guy (they had identified as genderqueer when I met them). They have told me that they don't know how they would handle their gender stuff without me. I know I mean a lot to E, and I know that they are incredibly stressed right now. They are the chair of our GSA, and an RA to a hall full of sorority girls, in addition to being a student and dealing with gender stuff. But I can't help them anymore because they won't really talk to me. I have two classes with E but we have barely said a word to each other in there, at least that wasn't related to GSA business.

I've tried texting them and asking if we were ok because it seemed like they were ignoring me, and they said we were fine, but they are still ignoring me. To be fair though, I'm kind of avoiding them as well. I'm pretty embarrassed about the way I handled things, and for them knowing how I feel about them. Mostly though I think I'm slightly avoiding them because I feel like they don't want me around. They haven't even said hi to me in any of our classes together.

I feel fucking awful. I just want my friend back. It sucks to be in a class with someone who I know so well, but I'm pretty sure that a lot of other people in our classes can't even tell we know each other. I don't know how to fix things. I don't know what's wrong really. I have basically no time to talk to them because they are so busy. I've tried texting them before like I said, but they just said things were fine when they obviously are not. I know that E is going through a whole lot right now, and I'm really sad that I can't help them with anything, especially gender stuff since I've pretty much been through everything they are going through before.

Anyone have any advice? I really want my friend back, I don't want to lose them =(.