Falling for and KISSING my straight best friend

Okay very cliche I know! But me (lets say i'm Dom) and one of my best friends (lets say his name is Rob) have just come back from Mallorca (amazing place, you must visit !). He invited me along with him and his parents, and we shared a room together at the hotel, and basically did what we wanted for the whole week :icon_bigg (this doesn't mean anything sexual atm...)

Background story:
He had a gf from Feb 2k14 to early August - they ended things on really good terms but I know he doesn't want anything with her, or at least doesn't plan to, in the future, and she's also my friend! Anyways, I had crushed on him before when they were first getting together, but soon got over it when they were actually dating. But all the time throughout I always thought i'd like to be with him anyways cos I could tell him anything and he is so smart and handsome :dry: I gave relationship advice to them and everything, ngl I definitely put my feelings to one side to help them out during their rough relationship periods, so I guess when they broke up I wasn't that surprised. Anyways, when I told him I liked guys it must have been around February time also, and just around that time was when he invited me to Mallorca with him :icon_bigg He is completely cool with it ovbs!

SKIP AHEAD TO MALLORCA:
So before the trip, i spoke to another friend who knew I liked guys and told him I was worried I might not be able to contain myself whilst we were there and I might make some moves on him - he kinda brushed it off and was like "ohhh fgs itll be fine man! Just have a good time!" I thought I'd be able to also, but I know I have sexual needs and desires too, just like all my straight guy friends who get to release these needs at every single party, whereas i just make out with girls to see if it gets me going, which ofc it doesnt. I may aswell be kissing a tree :bang:
So skip to the actual holiday - it's great , we're having a great time, we're spending all day together, we're going out exploring together, just having a great time. Obvs cos we're swimming I see him topless etc. Now I defo have the better body, but to me it's not just about that , it's about how I feel around him. He makes me laugh and smells so good and is just such an attractive man to be around, kind and understanding, banterous and thoughtful. :rolle: So, one night he gives me banter about when I gave one of our girl-friends a back massage which SHE HATED! I'm a gymnast so it didn't make sense to me cos I know exactly where/how the body works - she must have just been sensitive. So I say "later I'll give you one and you'll see how good I really am!!" He softly agrees :eek: SIDE NOTE: I didn't plan for anything more to happen, but had the feeling something might

THE MASSAGE:
So after dinner, we come back to the hotel room (our beds are two singles, but joined together, essentially a double with a tny gap down the middle) and we're getting ready foor bed, and somehow I offer him the massage. He's like sure go ahead whatever.. and I gave him a really thorough FULL body massage (except bum and cock aha) - it must have been at least an hour long. Bear in mind it's about midnight, and it's quiet, in a foreign country and only one light near his bed is on. During it, I realise how beautiful he looks with his eyes shut, and I REALLY REALLY wanted to kiss him. I kept asking "how does this feel ? " and almost everytime he was like "this is good, really good" I KNEW he was getting into it. H even said at one pooint "LOL you're saving me 48 Euros " (cos thats how much the hotel ones costed).I was FULLY HARD and was hiding "it" with a pillow I kept by my crotch constantly, and I think he had one over his crotch too...he may have been hard but I didn't want to remove it just incase he was and he found it awk.

THE KISS:
So I;'ve done his whole body...some parts twice cos I didn't want it to end, and then I knew I had to do something. The massage had pretty much ended and I was just like feebly stroking his neck or arm or something and staring at him with his eyes shut still I'm in a delicate state aha and I say in a voice I HAVE NEVER HEARD before (it was so high pitched, feeble, squeaky almost) " Rob ". He goes "Yeah Dom?" and I go "Nevermind- forget it" He says " NO you have to tell me now (quite forcefully)" I say "just forget it.." so I go back to massaging for like 30 more seconds and then I sighed..

"What Dom?"
So I feebly just say "I'm ashamed to ask...I have a request............I wanted to ask if I could kiss you.."
"Really..??"
"Yeah"
"Won't you regret it??"
"Why????"
"Cos it's me."
"No I won't, I think you're so handsome, attractive, and you smell so good etc etc....so can I?"
"If it makes you feel better.."

*During this I'm looking at him but I think his eyes are still shut*

I lean over his side of the bed, and there I kissed him. :eek: :icon_redf We kept kissing...and there was tongues too. It was SOOO AMAZING. I count this as my first ever proper kiss..cos there were feelings on my behalf at least. In fact I felt like he initiated the tongues. It lasted for about 2 minutes..but every time I asked him "do you like it?" he would say "this is weird/im straight.." - but the kissing was intense :eusa_doh: Then i kissed up and down his torso and saying thngs like "I really like you, this only happened recently..I really care about you, you;re so cute " Every now and then I would notice him flinch a little bit..but still the kissing continued. I WISH I'D PAID ATTENTION TO SEE IF HE WAS TURNED ON ( WINK WINK). At one point I put my hand towards his shorts, and asked "Can I?" but he said "I'm straight - it would be weird" so I respected that and I avoided.
That's when I think I stopped it. I knew for him it wasn't as comfortable, despite the fact the kissing was really really really good and thorough.

AFTERMATH:
So afterwards, he looked ashamed. His hands were in his head and I hated myself. I kept asking if he hated me or wanted me to spend the night in another room.. he said no to both things. He seemed quite confused and upset. Nothing I could say (and I'm realllyyy good in these situations) helped really. So I simply said "Sleep on it. We will talk about it in the morning when you have had time to think about it."
He just kept saying "okay" to ALL of my questions, really blandly.

NEXT MORNING:
Um, I thought it would be awk. Which at the VERY beginning it was. But at breakfast everything was normal, and we got back to the room and everything seemed fine. Then I brought it up - "last night I said we would tlak about it today..so. " I asked him many questions. I realise this post is really long now, so I'll cut it down and say that basically he ended up explaining that he felt we should forget about it and that last night wasn't him.

AND NOW?:
I have feelings for him, and it seems like he has moved on and forgotten. It sucks. I hate it. I like him bad. When Im around him I pretend I've forgotten too but all i can think is "I'm so lucky I got to kiss you." over and over.

sigh :bang:

 

hmm I don't think anything will happen with him tbh, I mean I would feel bad bringing it up again cos he might say "I don't want to do this again" and he might not want to be my friend anymore? I still believe he enjoyed it though, that much is true, because it was with tongues, and it wasn't like he was pulling back from the kiss at all. Maybe he's just curious?? Ahahahaha thanks Quem!!

However, the next day he said "We need to forget it ever happened" so he probably has? If he has then I'm sure nothing can happen? What do you think?? PS. the only person that knows about this now is you guys and my sister.

 

It says you are bisexual, so can I ask blueskies how exactly it would be for you if you were a bisexual in the closet? Cos if he were bi in the closet maybe that would explain what happened??

I think he is straight, and I know I will get over it eventually, but I do really really care about him and would be so happy with him. Yeah I was lucky as hell to kiss him, I cannot believe he let me, it was something I dreamed about ahahah

 

Tectonic- are you sure he won't have forgotten it?? I mean it was only like 10 days ago but still? Do you think I remind him of it when he sees me? I think maybe I dealt with it well to begin with, but now I'm not - the other day he asked me to stop complimenting him cos it makes him feel awk?

Blueskies- hmm its so interesting. I spoke to my sister about it and even she said it wasn't normal for an absolutely straight guy to act like this? She said her bf would NEVER do it. But then "Rob" is more open minded I think..? Or maybe he felt owed me something for the massage aha? No he has never done anything tbh....what sort of things do you mean that could have lead me to believe he could be bi? I know its a stupid question but it's good to hear the opinion from a bisexual guy aha

---------- Post added 8th Sep 2014 at 09:50 AM ----------

One thing I can say for sure is that it was easy convincing him to kiss. There wasn't much persuasion needed, it was literally just the short convo I posted in the original post... I was surprised how little effort it was, and how easy the kiss developed etc. It wasn't like I tried that much, it was just me asking...it was almost as if he had an idea I was going to ask that before I did

---------- Post added 8th Sep 2014 at 09:50 AM ----------

One thing I can say for sure is that it was easy convincing him to kiss. There wasn't much persuasion needed, it was literally just the short convo I posted in the original post... I was surprised how little effort it was, and how easy the kiss developed etc. It wasn't like I tried that much, it was just me asking...it was almost as if he had an idea I was going to ask that before I did

 

Perhaps he already thought about the situation. :icon_wink[/QUOTE]

Hmm...I'm not so sure...the whole thing is so ambiguous, to me it seems like he has forgotten it, but he still jokes with me about liking guys...maybe it was just a moment of weakness on his part? Maybe he was just curious in that VERY moment??

 

Blueskies - Yes actually , in Mallorca he did say I was lucky enough to have a good enough body to go around in speedos if I wanted too as nobody would care if an attractive man wore them (LOL!) But then there was a girl there too who also said the same..? Um apart from that and the kissing...let me think....he did once say that he was so unlucky with girls that he was thinking he might as well turn gay but I think that was a lot more joking ahah! Um also in Mallorca when we sunblocked up in the hotel room he was doing my back, then did my lower back and made a comment like..I probs shouldn't go any further (in a joking way)

I'll try and think of some others...meanwhile I hope any of you bi guys can tell me what you make of this?? TBH it's hard to say with him, he isn't feminine at all, neither am I, but I could still see him dating a guy...like the image of it doesn't seem wrong or unusual like with some of my other guy friends..

 

TBH i dont think he was flirting either...that's why I don't understand the kiss and how easily it happened...in fact I'm pretty certain it wasn't flirting..he was just saying he thought I was more attractive than him, which obvs lead me to tell him how handsome and stuff I think he is even if he doesn't have those washboard abs.

Yeah that's another issue blueskies!! I want to talk to him about it again just to finally see why he let me so easily..something I forgot to ask the morning after stupidly But then we promised not to talk about it again (he wanted to forget it ever happened) so.. :L It's annoying, and I don't wanna ask him incase it gets awk but I really want to also cos I do like him and want him to know. It's so unfair for guys like me who have to live such a large lie , everyday life is so challenging and demoralising atm:/

---------- Post added 8th Sep 2014 at 07:56 PM ----------

TBH i dont think he was flirting either...that's why I don't understand the kiss and how easily it happened...in fact I'm pretty certain it wasn't flirting..he was just saying he thought I was more attractive than him, which obvs lead me to tell him how handsome and stuff I think he is even if he doesn't have those washboard abs.

Yeah that's another issue blueskies!! I want to talk to him about it again just to finally see why he let me so easily..something I forgot to ask the morning after stupidly But then we promised not to talk about it again (he wanted to forget it ever happened) so.. :L It's annoying, and I don't wanna ask him incase it gets awk but I really want to also cos I do like him and want him to know. It's so unfair for guys like me who have to live such a large lie , everyday life is so challenging and demoralising atm:/

 

I can't tell if maybe he finds it awk around me now...like we seem fine, but every now and then it seems like there's an odd vibe...I'd never struggled finding things to say to him, but recently I haven't known exactly what to say, which is so weird for me because I'm good with words aha!
Maybe I should bring it up again just to get closure for it myself?? Shouls I tell him I like him?

 

Hmm yeah I agree, but the thing is that I really don't think he ever will talk about it, it's true I am acting like it never happened, but on the inside there's a bit of "unfinished business", like I need to know there's no chance. Do any of you get that too?

Can any of you tell me an experience you've had with a straight crush too? I want to see/ compare my experience please (&&&)