I really like a really close friend of mine. We started being close since the end of last year, so for about a year now. It was really weird getting to know her, we just sort of somehow became close and now we do almost everything together. She's in most of my classes in school. At first I just liked her as a friend, and I don't know what changed, but one night we were watching movies at another friend's house and other people were there too. I suddenly felt the urge to, like, hug her or something, I don't know. My mind just suddenly decided that I was interested in her. I can't help but flirt with her all the time now, just staring into her eyes for way too long, nudging up to her and general dumb stuff that I do to guys. It feels like any crush I've had. I can't stop thinking about her all the time and I just really want to be near her, talk to her, be in her company. She makes me giddy the same way boy crushes make me. I think about making out with her all the time, but I don't think I ever would when in complete control of myself. I can't stop thinking about stupid things like touching her hands or her hair or leaning on her shoulder but that would probably creep her out. I would creep myself out, I'm just not comfortable with actually doing it. In my mind I always feel like I'm a guy or she's a guy, is that weird? I'm just not physically attracted to her, but I am so so so fond of her. She's always on my mind and I just really want her to think about me. I'm a girl by the way. We're both seniors in school. I want her, but at the same time it makes me really uncomfortable. And we're close friends. At the same time there's this boy and he's gorgeous and super nice and friendly. I don't talk to him that much because we don't really have the same friends or classes and we're both busy, but we always exchange glances when we go by each other, and all those subtle flirting things. But I gush over him so much and I don't know why, but I always want to tell my friend about him. It's ironic because while I'm going on about how hot my crush is, I really like my friend too. I genuinely like my crush. I want to know if she feels jealous when I like other people but at the same time, I don't want her to feel bad. I feel bad for leading her on if I don't really like her. The difference is that I personally know my girl friend so well but I hardly talk to the guy I like in person. I know a lot about him, just not the little things like I do with my friend. I've never liked a girl before but suddenly I can't stop thinking about that one girl. I googled heaps of questions about this and that's how I came across this site. I read through lots of threads about similar situations, like people falling for friends and things, and it seemed really helpful. So thanks so much if you read through all this. I'm just not sure how to feel.
Hmmm. This is complicated. You have identified as straight so far? Do you think you may be in any way bisexual? And by the way bisexuality doesn't mean you have to be attracted to men and women equally. You can have different degrees of attraction. Personally, I am only slightly more attracted to men than women; it's almost a 50-50 attraction...maybe 60-40? Idk but it's probably actually closer than that. But it doesn't have to be. Like I said, you can be attracted to different genders in different degrees. But only you can figure out your sexuality and what you want. I have a few questions though. First, how long have you known her? And why do you think you are now attracted to her all of the sudden? You said you aren't attracted to her physically... what exactly attracts you to her? And do you know her sexuality? If she is lesbian or bi, you have a chance. If she is straight, well that won't work.
