I have been out of the closet for probably a year to mostly everyone except my dad/uncle/aunt/cousins already. Since school has started like 2 weeks ago, i started talking to this guy i met in one of my weight training class. Even though I'm out, many people still assume I'm straight. Unfortunately, I think this guy thinks I'm straight also. The last time we saw each other, he fist bumped me good bye.... I think I'm getting friendzoned by this guy :eusa_doh: I don't know if this guy is gay or straight or bi. I know that he is single, cuz i asked him about relationships and etc. I am getting some gay vibes from him though. I wanna get to know him further, but im afraid that he might be straight and become another crush has gone down the drain :/ Im also scared that my gaydar isnt working right, and he turns out to be straight, and then the awkwardness ensues when he realizes im crushing on him. Are there any tips that one can use to figure out if he is gay or not, without coming out to him? Another question, lets say that he does turn out to be gay. How long should i wait to ask him out? I'm not really good with dating. Im more of the "independent" type and doesnt go searching for relationships. If it happens, it happens. By following this motto.. I unfortunately have very little dating experience. So, what would kind of advice would you veterans give to someone in my situation?
Try to strike up a conversation with him about dating and relationships. Ask him what he looks for in a date , but don't lead him by mentioning girls/boys. Be specific and ask about looks as well as personality. If he only talks about girls it should give you a clearer indication of his feelings. You could also ask how he feels about guys dating guys. What do you think about that? If he tells you that he likes guys, then it's really your choice how to develop the relationship. Personally, I'd ask him if he'd like to hang out more and begin to develop a good friendship with him. Get to know him well as a person and if you 'gel' more and more tell him how you really feel.
Hide behind the cover of sarcasm! Wait for him to be alone somewhere you two won't be disturbed, then go to him and start up a normal conversation. Wait some time to pass while the conversation is still ongoing then with a slight grin say this: "Hey <whatshisname>, are you gay?" If he says no - "aww, <short pause> too bad (if you want to try your luck, add to this "i was hoping you were" or "cause you're really cute, you know that?"). If he says yes - "cool, me too" or "nice". If he starts acting weird then it's a 75% chance that he is closeted, just chug the whole thing up to being "goofy" and "sarcastic" and just "messing with him".
OK, so today in weight training class, we were doing squats. While we were doing squats, some girls came over and was like, "Nice Position" to which we both laughed. After that, I said, "Get it dude." as a way to see if he was interested. After class, the girl came up to have a quick chat with him. After that, we started walking, and i was like, "So It looks like you got some girls crushing on you." He responded with just a quick nod. I then asked, "Why aren't u going after them?" I then asked, "Do you play for the other team? If you do, I'm fine and wont judge you." He then vehemently gave me this semi strange/angry look and said, "Not even." After that, we walked to the locker room and then he started talking about all of the girls in the class, and how some of them were hot, something we never both talked about before. After that, we went into the lockers to get changed and parted ways. Based on all of this information.... Unfortunately... I think he's straight, and my confirmation bias is just hoping that he's gay. Looking at the facts, i hoped he was gay, but most likely, i dont think he is Sighs.. there goes another crush who happens to be straight :/ I'm going to friendzone him, and just focus on school, work, and myself. Thanks for the advice guys
Sorry Dragon :/ There's an overabundance of straights. I don't want to give false hope, but may why he got defensive and very flamboyant about talking to girls is because he isn't comfortable with being gay?
Sometimes the people most uncomfortable are the ones that are closeted, but you never know. You just have to take it at face value. You could apologize to him about assuming things and see how he reacts.
Yeah, the defensive reaction and talking about girls is kind of strange to me... But he says that hes straight, so im going to take it at face value and move on. No need to create false hope and then get crushed more later on :/ His reaction is very similar to the reaction i gave to my coworker, when he asked, "what team did i play for," since im not out at work yet, although i might say a little something tomorrow. He seems kind of a bit homophobic with his reaction, so I'm going to not come out of the closet to him. Doing that will be extremely awkward, especially since we always pair up to work out. As for apologizing, Im pretty sure i wont apologize, since we have this friendship where we can joke around each other. He probably thought i was joking. I think apologizing would create "red flags" Anyways, thinking about him would create more unnecessary drama then needed. If it happens, it happens, but im not going to stress about it further. For now, im just keeping him as friends. Thanks for the response guys
