I have been texting this friend for awhile. She has always been curious about my past and such. I guess one can say I keep a lot of things to myself. Anyways, she always wanted to know things about me, but I just didn't want to tell her. I was always having to initiate things such as hang outs and such, even texting. Well, last night was strange because I finally just told her things about my past. I found out we had similar experiences which I guess makes people feel like they aren't alone. I kept chatting which usually ends abruptly and I usually have to initiate the next conversation. This time though she texted me today telling me that she hopes I have a great day-something she never did before. Why did it take me telling her something about myself to want anything to do with me? I mean she knew a few things, but not much. I did tell her out of the blue that I shouldn't have opened up to her prior and she got pissed at me saying that it seemed like I didn't even want to be her friend. I don't like the idea of letting someone close to me so I am always reluctant, which I believe she knows. However, I reassured her that if I didn't want to try and be her friend I wouldn't be trying to hang out with her. Anyways, why did it take this for her to even initiate anything?
Building trust is a bit of give and take. Usually you communicate, she shows a bit of her, you show a bit of you... otherwise some people have a feeling they are the only ones who give... It does not mean telling all about you. It might be small things, too, but its kind of an exchange... Now that she can relate to you better, she possibly just wants to share a bit of time with you... and she might feel appreciated... I'd say relax and enjoy the time together...
I am reluctant because I am scared. I have a difficult time even forming close friendships and it doesn't help that I like her and really don't want to especially in that way. I became very close with another girl over a year ago who was horrible so I have to catch myself comparing them a lot- which I know isn't right. I did explain to her that I can become distant which I think she realizes, but I always feel bad because I don't know how to stop myself from becoming distant at times. I have been told by those closest to me that she cares a lot about me and they can see it in her eyes when she is upset with me or sad. I feel like if I try to befriend her I will just hurt her which I don't want to do.
