Hello everyone, I am a 29-year-old lesbian who has only come out to a very close friend.. yeah very closeted. First time here, and thanks for listening. To make matter worse I am from a traditional family in a very conservative country. Don't get me wrong, I have two loving parents and siblings who are open to the idea of homosexuality, only if that person is not their own child or family member. They will be devastated, if I come out to them. I was adopted since I was born. I am really thankful that my parents brought me up, and love me unconditionally. However I always feel a little bit less love. Especially my mom, she will always treat my other siblings better than she will treat me, or am I just sensitive? Or I was not directly produced by her and that's the reason why she does not feel that mother-child connection that she innately possesses? Most of the time I will just think that it is me who is too greedy and her love for me is never enough. I knew I was gay since I was 11 or 12, and deep in my little mind I thought I was sick and therefore a thirst for having much love from my parents has become more significant over the years. And therefore, coming out to my parents has also become ultimately impossible, even though I did write down in my bucket list that I would want to tell them one day while I am holding my girlfriend's hand. I can't afford to lose their loves, I love them - too much. I have a very small social network. I used to be outgoing during the college time and now somehow I am getting lazy to socialise everyday. Especially finding most of the people surrounding me are quite different from myself, and when they use discriminating slurs to demean other people, it killed me just to accommodate to them and fit in. I'd rather be alone than being a shallow bully. I feel so alone. It is not easy. But I can't complain. I chose to be this way, even though I did not choose to be a lesbian. Is this one thing in my bucket list a wishful thinking? I am grateful, so grateful..that I am able to love a girl, but if I were given a chance to choose, just let me be a straight one. Not that I like dick, it will just be easier that way. I don't even know what I am talking about. Sorry for the whole structure here. This is definitely not my first language. Ha. Have a great weekend everyone
Being lonely and not having the courage to tell your parents is hard. I'm struggling with it myself. Sometimes I think about how it would be easier to be straight, but it's better to be who you are. If you want to talk about anything feel free to post on my wall.
Hi EpicConfusion That's so sweet of you and thanks for listening. I am still new so not able to post anything on your wall yet. Or is there any other way to do so please enlighten me. It's amazing how mature you are at this young age and there is so many possibilities for you out there in your country so you shouldn't despair (yes I did happen to read some of your replies to other members). it's just so much harder here and sometimes it is just melancholy that I think I will die old alone. Haha. Anyway...hope to know you better. Take care
I'm also struggling with loneliness and coming out to my parents, you're not alone in that x Just like EpicConfusion said, you have a big online family here, so feel free to chat to any of us for support or general giggles *hugs*
As a regular member, you just can't send private messages. If you add me as a friend you can post on my wall. I don't really consider myself to be mature, but thanks I'm just glad to help a fellow person out. (*hug*)
Thanks JustJJx I suddenly feel so alive with so much young blood around here. *hugs* ---------- Post added 16th Sep 2014 at 11:56 PM ---------- Sure, let me get that done (*hug*)
