Hi everyone, There's a guy in one of my classes this semester that seems to sit usually really near me. I don't know if he's gay, but I really want to talk to him and find out. I just don't know what to say. The class is purely lecture, so there isn't much interaction between people. Any thoughts?
Dear friend It would be best to speak to him after or before class starts. It's best to assume he isn't gay until either he tells you or someone else tells you.
Ask him to go over something that was discussed. Laugh about something funny that happened in class. Just introduce yourself and ask his name.
As King of the Baltic said, talk to him before and after class. Start with a hi and move on from there. Maybe ask if you could do your homework or projects together?
Aside from sitting close to you, is there any other indication that he might be gay? Sitting in the same spot every lecture doesn't generally mean all that much since people become comfortable in their "seat" and usually sit in the same spot over and over again. The same thing happened to me a few years back and it took me the entire semester to get the courage to leave a note on his desk as I walked by. He ended up being straight but we became really good friends since he respected my courage in doing that. That said, I would agree with others and just go introduce yourself or start talking about things in class (jokes, remarks, questions, etc). That is a much less sketchy approach, especially if he sits near you and then once you start talking you may get more information to whether he is gay or not. I would definitely try the friends route before you make decisions about whether he is gay based on where he sits...
It isn't just where he sits, I just have the gut feeling about him if that makes sense. His body language and how he carries himself also come across as hints to me. We have our first quiz today, so I'll comment on that to him or something today after class.
I talked with him for a bit about the quiz. It wasn't too interesting though. If anything happens, I'll update
Hm, I think I come from a different perspective on this maybe but pretty much if you talk to him whenever about random stuff he's gonna think you're .....I mean if he's straight. College seems to be different in some ways than high school so I guess it's ok to try it out. I just know that this would not have been cool, at least in my high school, or any I know of. And if he seems cool just go on from there i guess? and isn't it sort of obvious if he is leaning that way ?
Talking to someone you have never met before wouldn't be cool? How would you ever make any new friends with anyone. This seems completely normal to me. Whether any guy or girl talks to me, my first assumption is that they are just being friendly until I have more information that suggests they are interested. It's a pretty common way of meeting new people.
He's going to think I'm...... gay?? He'd be correct. I'm just saying hi. I'm not feeling him up or anything. And no, it isn't always obvious. Most gay men aren't extremely camp.
I thought I prefaced with 'I think I come from a different perspective ' but snarky is a thing here I guess. There's a lot of stuff I don't know and makes no sense to me on this site . But ye, if you were to (as a dude) simply just walk up to another dude, and start a random convo that had nothing to do with anything based on nothing other than the fact that you were in the same class I pretty much can see that as sounding alarms with guys I've known and know. Most guys I know don't just walk up to other guys and start random convos. It's just not standard . I'm completely willing to concede that I live in a world that is totally different from yours ( and your running backs there ). And ye, for whatever reason, it probably would blow some whistles that you might be gay . Whether that's bad, good or indifferent that guys do that , I d k and for this post , I d g a f. What I'm confused about regarding your umbrage to my prior post is it seems from what you have previously posted you don't care if he thinks you're gay and you may also want to pursue this somehow. So why not just go and talk to him without all the apprehension? I mean didn't you say :....."I d k if he's gay but I really want to find out ".... And as far as "obvious" didn't you say, not me :" it isn't just where he sits . It's his body language and a gut feeling ....."? So what YOU appear to be assuming about him through a "gut feeling" and definitely not " obvious camp" < (I had to look that one up ) gets dumped on me ? Wtf is up with the hostility? Whatever man.
Calm down kriskluwe. I thinking you're reading too much into the responses. Skov: I agree that if you could study together, that would be best, but he has to show some interest in you. One thing you might do is observe how he acts toward other guys, especially the really good-looking ones. That might help you get an idea of what his feelings are.
I had the exact same feeling towards a friend. Someone who knew him longer and better than myself told me he was gay / he liked guys. Plus the feelings I had that he was into it. I asked him out after socializing a bit. Turned out straight. Now if he used that as an excuse to brush me away or if it is true, I don't know. I'll just assume he is straight now as no one else seems to know about his sexuality.
