Hi. (Sorry in advance if this is in the wrong forum, or is written the wrong way, I joined literally today to ask for advice on this one specific thing) To explain: I'm really lucky in that I have a group of friends that are loving and excepting of other sexualities and I absolutely love them for it, although they are pretty judgemental. I know this for a fact because over the past year (before I had even admitted to myself that I was gay) two of my close friends came out to everyone as lesbians and they were all mega chill. It was extremely reassuring to witness and I know that when I'm ready to come out, they will be cool with it (surprised, maybe but I can deal with that). My problem being that I am not ready to come out to them, or in general, at all. I have come out, to 5 of my closest friends- 2 of whom are the aforementioned lesbians. Now these 2 friends have really come into their sexual confidence recently: its wonderful to see and I'm so happy for them, but recently the jokes are becoming pointed. For example they would laugh loudly when someone sets me up with a boy or brush them off obviously if they were flirting with me, loudly declaring they 'weren't my type'. When some kind of remark about lesbians comes up in a class I get elbowed or nudged and its getting progressively less subtle. It's particularly bad with one of my friends: not really interested in me at all when she thought I was straight, who keeps asking me when I'm going to come out and insisting I have nothing to fear and suggesting ways to do it (even when other people are there she suggests I should do it). She's even gone as far as to suggest I'm homophobic by keeping it to myself and avoiding all situations where I could be goaded into coming out (truth or dare am I right guys). She's making me uncomfortable. To conclude, this friend of mine is lovely, and a genuine friend- but she is also a self-confessed gossip and an out and loud lesbian who seems insistent on dragging me out of the closet with her. Obviously I've tried to talk to her about it but it seems the prospect of a new gay friend is more exciting to her than trying to conserve my modesty. I'm really not ready to come out yet and I really regret telling her. Any advice, guys? Have you ever came out to some one and then regretted it because you became something of a new toy? Thank you anyone who's read this whole thing. Amelia x
If she's as good of a friend as you say, then she should respect your wishes. I'm sure if you just explain to her that you're not kidding, and really need to be allowed to come out in your own time that she will see the error of her ways. Just talk to her, and make sure you explain it in a way that makes it clear that this is important to you.
Can you act as if you're going along with her as if it was a joke? Make a smirky face and agree, "That's right. No boys for me." Wink, wink. Just act cool like you find her very droll indeed. I suspect people will tire of her behaviour in no time at all. The less you react, the less fun she will have "playing" with you.
