Hello... The reason I am posting here is... I am not happy with the relationship I am in currently... It all began in January when I first met him, at the time I had no money, no friends, no one... we spoke for about 2 weeks and afterwards we met a few times, we fell inlove. In the mean time, I got kicked out of the place where I was living, so he invited me to live with him until I find a job. For the first 2-3 months everything was fine. We were happier than ever, we were so in-love. Then times got dark for me. I started being jealous. I started feeling lonely, and unloved. For 3 months straight we fought almost every day. He wouldn't say a thing, while at the same time I was giving my heart and soul to try to make him understand what I am going through. Then - I found a job... at that point I thought things would get better, because maybe earlier the amounts he was spending on me were too much? No. It didn't. Two days before my birthday, 15 days after I started my job, I broke up with him, and immediately regretted it. I got drunk, I went on a dating site (still living with him at that moment) and tried to just hook-up with someone. Just to make the pain go away for some time. Just to get my mind off him. It didn't work, instead - I decided to pack my bags and just go, but he stopped me... in that moment I started crying, more than I have ever, telling him to just leave me alone, shortly followed by asking him to not let go of this. Stupid. I know. He let it happen, we were back together. Just so I can stay with him - I stopped talking about my feelings, I stopped making a deal of the stuff that bothered me, I was pretending hardcore, until recently. A while back, I kind of forgot about this part, he had almost cheated on me - messaging a guy, telling him that he was all he needed and things of that sort - and stupid in-love me, I forgave him, but did not stop being jealous. This is what it is now... I am hurt. I am in huge pain. I feel lonely and unloved. I feel like he does not want me anymore. He is scared of commitment and honestly - emotionally challenged. He still does not want to have sex with me more than once or twice a week. There is no spontaneity, there is no passion, there is no romance. There is nothing, yet I still can't make the decision to turn my back on everything and leave for good. I love him way too much, but I know he is bad for me and I want to leave. I don't know what to do. I am lost. I have not loved anyone else more than him in my life. I can't leave him... I need help. I need guidance... I don't know if any of this makes sense, but if something is unclear - let me know, I will make it as vivid as possible. Long lost, Jake.
I think that you are afraid to move on, it's always hard to continue our lives without people that we once thought that they were perfect for us. You need to focus on trying to gather enough money so that you can afford your own place and stop depending on him. i think that you 2 should sit down and have a serious talk about what you think of each other, you have to tell him how things are for you otherwise you are both living a lie.
I think the problem started because you lived with him before the relationship was secure. Cohabitation can make it very hard to get out of a sour relationship, but that's what needs to happen. When I read your second paragraph, I was thinking he could say similar words about you. I think it would be best if you two lived apart so you could get some time to yourselves. "Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great."-Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
