So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 10 months, and for the past month we've been long distance. I know this has been much harder on my girlfriend because she's a very physical person and always wants to cuddle even if only with her friends. Anyway, I've been starting to get worried because on the weekends she goes out with friends and gets really drunk, and I can tell from her text messages that this is when she feels the most physical. I'm worried she might do something she regrets when she's drunk and I've told her this, but she dismisses this and promises she'd never cheat on me. Now you might think I'm being overly worried about her cheating after she's told me she wouldn't. The thing is, she's ended every other long distance relationship by cheating on her then girlfriend. Last night, she told me that I'm the only one she's ever seen herself with long term though and she loves me the most, so she'd never risk losing me by cheating. But she immediately followed that by saying that if she were with anyone else, she would definitely cheat on them. What makes things worse is that she's been hanging out with two other bi/lesbian girls (I don't know how they identify) one of which I know she finds attractive because she pretty much told me so last night, and the other is the girl she cheated on her last long distance girlfriend with. While I do trust my girlfriend and don't think she's currently doing anything behind my back, I'm worried about what if we have a really bad fight and she thinks we're over or is just really upset and gets drunk and goes out and hooks up with another girl. She actually asked me last night if her hooking up with a girl while she was drunk would count as cheating. She claimed she hadn't done that, but just wanted to make sure. And before anyone thinks I'm crazy restrictive of her, I've given her permission to cuddle/kiss/make out with her group of friends that I'm also friends with (so not including the two girls I mentioned previously). When they get drunk they make out with each other and I'm totally fine with that. Most of the girls are straight and the two that are not, I know my girlfriend would never leave me for. I don't see that as cheating as much as girls just being drunk and fooling around. Anyway, I plan on discussing all this with my girlfriend, but just in case she tries to downplay anything, I wanted to get some of your reactions on the situation. Does it sound like she has been thinking of cheating on me? Am I being paranoid or do I have reason to think it's a possibility at some point in the future. After all, we've only been long distance for 1 month and we still have a little less than 2 years to go before we could live together.
The parts in bold are what stood out to me. The parts in bold red, are very important as well. You clearly have your own idea of what is, and isn't okay. Personally, I think such situations, for the most part, tend to lead to a lot of loopholes and problems. But I'm not going to judge you, because this is your life. You do you, but, you want some feedback, and here it is: I would be very unsettled by being asked, if hooking up with a girl/guy, was okay IF DRUNK. I tend to dislike alcohol, because too many people use it as this, Get Out of Jail Free Card, or as an excuse to do something, but not be held responsible for it, or what drinking kindles. That comment, by itself, would have me alarmed. On top of that, someone she cheated with being around, is just icing on the paranoid cake. You allow your girlfriend to kiss and make out with other girls, this, as mentioned earlier, is a potential problem. It's a crack in the wall, an exception to the rules, that could be opened a little more each time, in a testing kind of way. I don't know if your girlfriend is the kind to push and poke, just to see how much she can get away with, but giving someone who has a history of cheating, a little wiggle room... well, darling, you can't be too surprised, if she does go beyond your boundaries.
Echoing that statement. No matter how drunk you are you still have full control of your actions, I made it through freshers totally fine even though I was slaughtered 9 nights in a row because if someone (girl or boy) tried to dance with me I would walk away and just dance ironically with my mates. If they wanted a laugh fair enough but if they got too close I walked away. This happened multiple times and i wasnt even tempted to try anything.
I think that you should stop allowing your girlfriend to be able to cuddle and make out with her friends. If I were you, that'd be an absolutely no-no and I would not be happy.at.all. She's going to say "well, you *said* this and this, therefore I *thought* it was okay". Take away justifiable reasons for her to cheat on you, then you'll be in the right and she can't say anything else.
