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I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesbians

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by coolasacucumber, Sep 18, 2014.

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  1. coolasacucumber

    coolasacucumber
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    Hi! I'm 26 and I'm a lesbian who lives in a small and hetero normative town in the UK.
    For the umpteenth time in my life, I REALLY like someone who doesn't like me back.

    I first got speaking to her online and I approached her because, as corny as it sounds, I was blown away by how utterly beautiful she is.

    I was delighted and surprised when she replied to my message because I thought she was way of my league! I think she thinks so too, because while we were messaging each other, it would mainly be me who steered the conversation and asked the questions. She just answered my questions and didn't ask me any.
    She has stopped messaging me now and has been online since. So it's really hurtful.

    I have no idea why I feel so strongly about someone who I barely know! Please don't call me 'weird' or 'mad' because I already feel like that about myself anyway!

    It's harder to swallow because she's a lesbian too, and when I have unrequited feelings for a lesbian rather than a straight girl, it makes me think how ugly, fat, stupid or weird I must be!

    Prior to chatting to this girl online, I felt a yearning for a woman and it had never come to fruition for 2 years since splitting from one of my exes. The split was a messy one, and I was in a bad place mentally, so I became rather promiscuous sleeping with men because they paid me attention and I thought "sod it I might as well take what's available to me!" And after each awful sexual encounter, I felt disgusted with myself.

    I hear of lesbians being so hostile towards lesbians who have previously had sex with men. I just want to love and be loved by a woman. I've been single for three months now after my most recent girlfriend dumped me, and as of about a year or so ago, I've stopped sleeping with men and am so much happier for it.

    Now though, I don't want my past to hinder my future relationships and I'm scared that I'll never find the one.

    Any advice would be really helpful. Thank you xxxx

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2014 at 07:50 PM ----------

    By the way, during the awful sexual encounters with men I was also EXTREMELY drunk and would not have slept with them if I had been sober.

    I now have a less destructive relationship with alcohol, I have learned from my mistakes and am no longer clinically depressed, so I feel ready for a meaningful relationship , but no one seems interested in me. :frowning2:
     
    #1 coolasacucumber, Sep 18, 2014
  2. thekillingmoon

    thekillingmoon
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    It's hard to meet lesbians and even harder to meet those that are single and want a relationship. It's ironic because I often see such posts on forums from lonely people who desperately want to meet someone special. Then I go to a dating site in hopes of meeting someone like that locally and I find absolutely no one. At some point in life you get so lonely that any decently attractive woman being nice and friendly to you can cause a range of emotions. You can't make someone fall in love with you though, they either love you or they don't.

    I don't have a good advice, people are fickle and unreliable and they can abandon you any time. The least you can do is try not to develop serious feelings for anyone until you're sure it's mutual. Easier said than done. Also sleeping with men if you're a lesbian is a terrible idea. But you already know that.
     
    #2 thekillingmoon, Sep 18, 2014
  3. coolasacucumber

    coolasacucumber
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    Thanks for your honesty and thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

    It's reassuring to know that others are feeling similar ways to me. xx
     
    #3 coolasacucumber, Sep 18, 2014
  4. stocking

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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    I have trouble meeting lesbians, and now at the point that I'm so only I'll take any woman that will show me attention and, just wants to hook up because that's all I'll ever get.
    Killing moon is right sleeping with men is a bad idea for lesbians, I've had the same thing happen to me with another lesbian but in real life and it makes you feel like shit. I'm just going to stay single till I meet the right woman ,because I think I deserve better than just a hook up. I think you should too , have you ever tried volunteering for an lgbt community center in your town? You can meet other lesbians there.
     
    #4 stocking, Sep 18, 2014
  5. coolasacucumber

    coolasacucumber
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    Thank you guys.

    I know that sleeping with guys was a terrible idea. Was being the operative word because this is something I no longer do and that chapter of my life is well and truly over.

    While I did those things I was still figuring myself out, I was drinking a hell of a lot and
    I was extremely depressed. I am now clear on what I want and I am no longer clinically depressed or drinking myself into regrettable stupors.

    The question is, will I find a lesbian who won't judge me for my past? My most recent ex girlfriend used to make me feel awful about it. (Lesson learned- don't reveal too much too soon because they might use it against you!)

    How can I mentally move on and forgive myself and is there someone out there who will like me for me and won't judge me?

    Thank you so much for your kind words, for being non judgemental and for your advice. I'm going to check our volunteering at LGBT support groups :slight_smile: xxxx
     
    #5 coolasacucumber, Sep 18, 2014
  6. Fallingdown7

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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    I agree sleeping with men is a bad idea, but you can't change the past. Anyone who would refuse you for that is a terrible person. Those lesbians are just insecure.

    The worst part about being gay of any gender is the dating pool isn't huge. It's hard to find people who like the same sex, and even harder when you keep in mind you won't match up with just anyone and not everyone can like you back. It's a lonely life
     
    #6 Fallingdown7, Sep 18, 2014
  7. coolasacucumber

    coolasacucumber
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    Yes I agree! Why some people think that being gay is a choice, I'll never know! It's such a hard route to go down! As you say, first you have the question of who is also lesbian or bisexual, then you have the question of which of those women there is mutual attraction with. It's a hard nut life, for us!

    So, I suppose it's easy to seek solace in the wrong places and with the wrong people, but lesson learned!

    Thank you so much for being so supportive :slight_smile: xxxx
     
    #7 coolasacucumber, Sep 18, 2014
  8. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    Well the women who downgrade you can go screw themselves seriously and if I were a lady lover I'd go for you Bc u seem really nice and loving :slight_smile: I think u should go for a lady that is simple and nice like you :slight_smile: yknow if I were you I'd setup a dating hangout for lesbians and gay men who are looking for love and not hookups.
     
    #8 Rosepetal, Sep 18, 2014
  9. coolasacucumber

    coolasacucumber
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    Awwwww thank you so much rose petal! You've really made me smile!
    :slight_smile: that is so kind of you. I'd love to do something like that :slight_smile: xxxx
     
    #9 coolasacucumber, Sep 18, 2014
  10. stocking

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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    There will be lesbians who will not care if you slept with men in the past ,and Some times to I think it's better to tell them about your past till when things get serious.
     
    #10 stocking, Sep 18, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2014
  11. Rosepetal

    Rosepetal
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    Re: I fancy a woman who doesn't fancy me back, and I hardly ever seem to attract lesb

    I'm glad I made you smile :slight_smile: if someone downgrades me lie that I would say "well u were sticking ur tongue down a guys throat how are u any different ?
     
    #11 Rosepetal, Sep 18, 2014
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