Does anyone have any advice on how to handle one? My mother's response to my coming out (more or less): Mom: You may "think" you are gay, but I know you are not. Being gay is a sin. No one is really truly gay, just confused or traumatized in some way. Me: Regardless of what you think, don't you care about my happiness most of all? I just want you to love me. Mom: I do love you. Me: I don't feel loved when I don't feel supported or accepted. Mom: Nothing from your childhood signaled to me you were gay. Since then, my mother has "lovingly" told me each morning various things like how God showed her a vision of a beautiful man that was smiling just for me who I would marry, or if I've heard of asexuality because maybe I just don't want to have sex, but need the right man to be gentle with me so I'm not scared. Or told me how it is just since I am in Women's Studies and read a lot of "butchie" books and that I have stopped going to church. She just watches all these Christian-based movies and nothing but televangelists, and I feel it is hard to compete with those emotion-laden messages. What is my real question? How do I keep from feeling completely sick and lost and lonely when I come home, and, perhaps a bit jokingly but not completely: is there any way to de-convert a parent from their fundamentalist ways? I feel so sad about what it has done to our relationship.
I doubt she'll listen, but you could argue that you will go to church only if she accepts you for who you are, and won't force or idealize you being straight. If she can't accept that, than she can't claim to know Jesus, as he would not deny someone over their sexuality (there are many reasons we disregard the old testament *cough* animal sacrifice *cough*). Might be a bit strong though... Although I haven't seen them, I'ma bit cynical of just how "emotion-laden" those tv shows are.
If you figure it out please let me know. I'm out to everyone but my family. I'm 32 and have long since moved out of my mother's house, but it would be nice to share with her that I do have a dating life, and am not actually the spinster that my family thinks I am. I havn't ever had the courage to tell them because they are such extreme fundamentalists. I don't think that people like that are really capable of changing their views. At least she still loves you though. She will get used to the idea, maybe come to terms with it, but I would be very surprised if she ever changes her view on homosexuality. But, hey what do I know? I never had the courage to come out to my crazy family. Props to you for mad bravery skills.
Just what are these movies? Can you tell me what a few of the titles are? I want to know what you're up against. You could try getting her to watch Prayers for Bobby, and not tell her what it is. I figure the title sounds religious enough for her to agree. If not, what I do with my mom is "trade" watching some dumb thing she wants to see if she agrees to watch what I want. Or some kind of bargaining like that. I tell you, if she doesn't bawl her eyes out and hug you and promise to try to understand, then she is one stubborn mule. Even I was Niagara Falls, and I never cry at movies.
I feel you, it's one of the reasons I don't wanna come out afraid of what my mom will be like. It's so strange she watches a lot of gay people on tv ( We have a lot of gay celebrities, show hosts and even news anchors in the Netherlands) and she's fine with them but as soon as a gay subject comes on TV that goes too deeply into gay relationships she's like oh gosh we don't wanna see this. She's a Catholic and I still live in her home so I probably won't come out till I move out.. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Is moving out an option? Because in situations like this it's best to move out in my opinion. It will only make you miserable hearing every day that what you are is a sin and ''God'' has a better plan for you.
Sorry you have to go through this. I think one thing that would be helpful to know is how long ago you told her. Sometimes it takes time for parents to come around. Unfortunately, some never come around. The main issue here is that religious people like your mother cannot be reasoned with logically. You can try to get her to question her beliefs, but I doubt it will do any good.
You might check out this story of former "ex-gay" promoters who publicly renounced their views. Former Founders, Leaders, and Promoters of the
That sucks. I'm in a similar situation but the only difference is that my parents don't know I'm a lesbian. But they do constantly give me the old "when you get married to a man.. have kids etc.." and "homosexuality is wrong." I don't know your religious views exactly, but I found this video which I found really helpful: What the Bible Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality - YouTube Maybe you could get your mum to watch it? Take care
I think its just going to take a-lot of time. God made you that way. It will take your mom alot of time to come to terms with that, because she is so devoted to the idea that gay is a evil choice, instead of a natural way of being. God is also very clear on the fact that he loves ALL his children. Be strong and don't give up.
Honestly in my experience people like this will never change. They are so convinced of their righteousness that they won't back down no matter how much of a fool they make of themselves. Sadly, your best bet is probably to just ignore them, and sit tight until you can be free and on your own. Then you should limit your contact with them, or let them know that you don't care what they think and that you do as you please.
