as you can see by the heading a friend of mine of 14 year's is ignoring me simply because I am gay :icon_sad: soz if the post is too long. I came out to him round April/May via text, I wanted to tell him in person but he wouldn't wait till the next week when I would be seeing him. He seemed ok with it (well I thought he was) but then I started noticing him not acknowledging me but I assumed with exams coming up he is probably studying so I went on the next few week grand, then we finished our exams and he still was ignoring me, he wouldn't talk to me while I was in the same room with him, acted like I was invisible, he even deleted me off facebook which made me wonder why was he doing this to me and like what did I do wrong for him to completely ignore me for the last few months, so I go up to him and ask him(few days ago) did I do anything wrong and he said im sorry I cant be friends with you anymore, he wouldnt tell me why at first but I got it outta him he said he cant be friends with me cause im gay and then I was so shocked I had a small argument with him then went home. As I got home I started balling my eyes out wondering why is this happening to me, me and him were great friends for 14 years and now its all gone just because he doesn't like the fact that I am gay. I am just wondering should I not give up on the friendship or should I just give him time in hope he'll come around.
At first I thought he's probably a douchebag not worthy of having your friendship - but that is weird if you have been good friends for so long. or… your coming out represents a threat to him. Maybe he is closeted, or unsure of his own sexuality, and fears that associating with you will 'out' him to everyone. Could be whole load of things. He could also just be a homophobic straight guy. But surely you can open up communication. Maybe not now but in the near future?
It really saddens me to read things like this and it's the last thing you need funnynate. You have endured so much heartache recently and it really must feel like everyone is against you some days. Just remember, the problem is not with you, it is with him and others. I promise you, the whole world is not like this. We can only speculate about the reasons why he rejected you, but there are a few subtle clues: When you first told him, he seemed okay... A few days ago, when you confronted him... It's that word - "can't" that really makes me wonder. If he'd said "I don't want to be friends with you anymore" I'd be inclined to think that he had arrived at the decision of his own choosing, but saying " I can't" and repeating it makes me wonder if someone, or something is influencing him. Is that possible? The Catholic Church still holds great sway in family and community life in Ireland and I wonder if he has mentioned your coming out to someone (his parents maybe) and they have brought some pressure to bear that has led to this change in attitude. What do you think? True and authentic friendships transcend issues like sexuality. It should never be a pre-requisite of friendship for each person to be one thing or another. If we can only bring ourselves to enjoy positive relationships with people who are like us, life will be incredibly narrow. I'm sure you find it difficult to see a positive future with all of the trials that life is throwing at you right now, but I'm proud of the fact that you are hanging in there and choosing to talk about it. In the fullness of time your friend may come to realise that sexuality is not a game changer, but right now it doesn't look likely. If you feel able, I'd encourage you to explore what is available in terms of support and friendship for young gay people in Ireland. I think I posted some links in a previous conversation. Sometimes in life, one door closes as another opens. (*hug*)
Thank you all for your replies Linco- ah I never really thought of that but his family aren't religious or anything so I don't think they would influence him but he does have some homophobic friends but they don't know me so I wouldn't know about them cause he never really talked bout his friends that I never knew only the ones we both knew. But around when we were 14/15 he would use really homophobic language which made me feel uncomfortable around him(he stopped doing that after awhile). He originally seemed ok when I first told him but I never saw his actual reaction so he could've just said that to me. I have attended an lgbt group for a few times now everyone there is so fun and nice but with all my problems I cant enjoy it as much as I would like to. Life atm just really suck's I feel really worthless, if it wasn't for this website and all the support from people I probably wouldn't be here. I put on a smile on my face to the rest of my friends as I don't want to ruin their day with my problems as the majority wouldn't care anyways.
