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Unrealistic Expectations

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ILetItGo, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. ILetItGo

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    Hi, so I only recently admitted I was gay (story in the welcome lounge: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/welcome-lounge/152504-so-my-world-just-exploded.html#post2278839)

    But, I've known what kind of man I'm attracted to for a while. And now that I'm out and accepting this, I was just wondering if it is just going to stay a fantasy. Basically, I like buff dudes, who are big and muscular, not necessarily lean and ripped, but got some shapely mass to them. But, I myself am just shy of 5'10", I'm definitely not described as skinny, I'm just very average, some muscle and little bit of fat - 73kg, but not "buff".

    Now, I know this is completely superficial, and of course, in the long run, I want to connect with someone personality and value wise. But, I'm just wondering if I'm fooling myself that one of those type of guys could ever go for someone like me. I am starting to work out more, as I want to get in better shape myself, but will probably not have the time/dedication to look like the guys I dream about.

    So, please excuse this blatantly vain thread. But as I don't know many gay people, all I have is hearsay that gay guys tend to date people of similar build to themselves. Is this true, are there exceptions?
    I'm hoping there are because of things like emotional connection, and personality, in which I hopefully have a bit more going for me!

    Anyways, any thoughts or discussions on this matter would be interesting to hear. Thanks! :icon_bigg
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    It may be true that some gay guys date people of similar build/characteristics, but certainly not all. In fact, there are some guys who go for the exact opposite to themselves.

    If you are making an effort to get into/stay in decent shape you should be fine, but I think personality and values are just as important as looks/appearance.
     
  3. EpicConfusion

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    True. I would prefer someone of my build personally, but I'm not sure there are many twinkish guys who would top. I'm probably wrong though.

    Don't limit yourself to that ideal when dating, and you'll be fine. Beauty is impermanent and in the end what really matters is finding someone you can get along and form a deep personal bond with.
     
  4. ILetItGo

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    Thanks for the replies. Obviously a deep connection is the goal in the long run, but I guess what I want to know is whether anyone here knows of any big dudes that are dating or into more average sized guys?
    Thanks! :grin:
     
  5. OGS

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    I've been pretty active in a rather large gay community for a long time and I can definitively say--yes. Not everyone is looking for whatever it is that they bring to the table. There's a lot of "opposites attract" that goes down. And frankly there's just a lot of people who are interested in different thing than you might guess. There's a lot to be said for becoming the type of person you are looking to find but when you think about that remember people are a lot of different things and physical build is only one of those things....
     
  6. ILetItGo

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    Thanks OGS, I'm really glad to hear that. I just gotta get more comfortable about putting myself out there now I guess!