You have all heard this before and it has been answered many times in other threads but since this forum is so welcoming and helpful I know you guys will be cool with it. I need help... I think I am in high school, and kinda have a crush on a guy. I have a whole bunch of classes with him and have started to purposely spend a lot of time with him. I steal glances at him all the time and he is just really cute. My problem, more so than the crush, is that I have no idea what I am doing. I only recently accepted myself so I am new to the whole dating the same gender thing and I am asking all of you for guidance. I do not intend to tell him that I am bi or about my feelings for a while because 1) it is a early stage crush that might be infatuation and 2) I want to become friends first. I have only spent about two weeks with him so I don't know him super well. Also, I have heard from various people that he is straight but I have no hard evidence, I heard he dated a girl awhile ago but I know he is single now. How can I tell and when should I try to figure it out? How should I try to figure it out? My plan as of now is just to become friends and see where it takes me. If I still like him a month or so down the road I might out myself to him and tell him how I feel. I did ask him to go to a movie with me next week and he accepted which I am super excited about. But anyway... that is my plan as of now. Is there any glaring issue with it? Does anyone have any suggestions to do something different? I really need guidance because this is the first time I have ever done this and it is nerve wracking because it is a guy. Thank you so much!!
Your plan sounds good. I had a situation similar to this one, and I told the friend I was gay but waited to see his reaction before I told him I liked him. He said something comparing my lack of a boyfriend with his lack of a girlfriend, and I got my answer without having to say anything more.
Keep doing what you are doing. Just be friends, enjoy his company, and be a good friend to him but not solely because you like him. It wouldn't be totally fair to him if he gets a girlfriend and then you lose interest in pursuing a friendship. Also, I always advise against the coming out/I like you combo as the previous poster said. It is too much for a person to process at one time. If you feel comfortable telling him, give him time to react, process it and go from there. And remember, assume he is straight unless he tells you otherwise. A lot of people give themselves too much grief hoping someone is gay or bi and looking for every quantum of evidence to prove that case. It'll drive you nuts. Best of luck,
Thanks for the advice guys, maybe I will separate the coming out and "I am attracted to you" parts... We will see how he reacts. I definitely want to be friends with him regardless, he is pretty interesting to talk to. I am not trying to lead myself on in any way either. I am assuming he is straight until he indicates otherwise. I'm not gonna make up "evidence" that isn't really there. If he is straight he is straight, it is what it is.
Well, tonight we went to the movies and we had fun. We went and saw The Mazerunner in IMAX. I read the book when I was younger and have read the whole series. It is an awesome story and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys reading. But anyway. I am not quite sure how I feel now, yes I had fun and yes he is super cute but my view of him I feel is changing a bit as I spend more time with him. By all means if he asked me out I would say yes but, I don't know... he is just a bit different than I thought he would be? I am 99% sure he is straight, just hearing the way he talks about girls. The subject came up somehow while we were having dinner and he kind of crudely explained to me, in so many words, that he likes his women to be a little curvier. It was honestly a bit of a misogynistic response which was annoying. Also, not to rag on him, he has a foul mouth. I mean he is a guys guy so I don't know what else I expected but he kinda swore a lot. Not that I don't but he swore more than me which was occasionally uncomfortable. But that could also just be because from his perspective we were out as friends. On the bright side though he does seem to be very accepting of LGBTQ people again based on what he has said to me, I don't think he would disown me as a friend if I came out to him. There were so many times I wanted to just look at him and say, "God you are cute" or "You are really attractive." Or hold his hand. There were a few scary scenes where I almost did but it probably would've freaked him out. I am trying to drop hints here and there that I find guys in general attractive, talking about some of the hot guys in the movie, saying there are no guys for me to ask to Homecoming. I am not exactly being subtle but he hasn't said anything yet. I guess the best course of action is for me to just keep going. Be friends with him and eventually come out to him and then even later on tell him how I feel, if I feel the same way a few months from now. What do you guys think?
If you are 99% certain he is straight, then what's the reason for wanting to tell him you have feelings for him?
Try to come out sooner than later. Also, if he really accepts LGBT people, he must think of the possibility a guy will like him. He might even know at this point you like him. Once you come out, things will at least be more even.
@ryan Because there is no reason not to? What do I have to lose? Nothing. @resu thanks for the advice! I guess I will come out sooner rather than later. Maybe he suspects something already but he can be oblivious at times. I don't know. We'll see thanks!
Well, you could lose his friendship, which is certainly something to lose. Beside that, you should consider you would be putting him in a difficult situation to respond to something you already know the answer to. Why put that pressure on him? Why make him feel unnecessarily uncomfortable? It's a matter of respecting his boundaries - you believe he is straight, to a very high degree, and he has given you little to no indication to the contrary.
Just a short update: I walked into class today and saw him for the first time in awhile (I was traveling) and he gave me the biggest, cutest smile that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I went up to him and asked him about math (derivatives, bleh) and he just looked at me and shook his head. He is really fun to talk to, he is kinda sarcastic like me and it makes our conversations really funny. Anyway. I told him there was another movie coming out that I wanted to see and told him he was invited if he wanted to go. I think he is super oblivious to the fact that I like him so I am going to continue to drop more hints and I am planning on telling him the next time it feels like a good moment to (not around other people etc.) maybe when I drop him off after a movie so it isn't awkward if he reacts badly. That's all for now, sorry I can't update more. I am super busy and honestly don't get to see him that much out of school :/ Once golf ends we can hangout more
