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is my friend pushing me away because she's lesbian?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by rosemary6, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. rosemary6

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Hi, I'm not LGBTQ+ so I don't really know how to deal with a lesbian friend of mine, or whether I should even do anything in the first place. Basically, I've always known one of my really good friends is lesbian, but never said anything to respect her privacy. We're not best best friends, but definitely close enough for her to share something like that with me. However; I still completely understand that it must be hard and never got frustrated that she wouldn't tell me about it, until now. It's because she's gotten SO distant this past year. I'm usually the one putting most effort to keep in touch. Now, it could either be that she has outgrown me as a friend, regardless of her being lesbian... or, she assumes that I wouldn't be accepting and therefore doesn't feel like keeping up with the friendship because "what's the point". So I'm not really sure whether I need friendship or LGBTQ+ support advice, or a little bit of both.

    I only care this much because I really value our friendship (practically grew up with her) and don't want it to drift apart over something as simple as sexuality. We're both from a really religious and homophobic society, so I don't blame her for thinking I wouldn't be accepting. However, she's never tried to get my opinion on anything gay-related so I'm beginning to think she probably just genuinely doesn't care what I think. And she's come out to some of her friends whom I don't know, but we've known each other for much, much longer, so that hurts me too.

    I've obviously given this too much thought lol, and reached a point where I'm sick of it, so I made this account to ask. I just wish there was a way I could throw it out there that I love her for all that she is, without sounding like I know (wouldn't want her to feel "exposed"). So now I want to know from you all if there's something I'm not seeing? Should I do/say/ask anything, or accept that she doesn't want to be my friend (whether I know she's gay or not)?

    Thanks!:slight_smile:
     
  2. AlezinwondRland

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Hey,

    If the issue is your friend not feeling comfortable about coming out, I wouldn't press it in case she isn't ready. To resolve the problem of her drifting away, I would be upfront and ask her why, reassuring her that she can open up to you about anything that may be bringing her down or making her pull away. If that sorts itself out, maybe make up a story about a "gay" friend or someone coming out to you, and use this scenario to subtly hint at how accepting you'd be if she was . I know you mightn't want to lie to ur friend but its for a greater good . And if you head to the EC coming out section, chat to someone who is going through what your friend might be, make friends with that person,
    and share their story with her. Then your technically not lying at all. :slight_smile: