Basically I came out to my parents just over a week ago, my dad has been pretty good and said 'as long as I'm happy he is too', however my mum has been crying a lot and may even be depressed (she also continually says how unhappy I have made her and she blames me for all the bad things that have happened over the past week), she keeps telling me to try and be straight and that it is just a phase (even though I told her it doesn't work like that). I'm finally happy with who I am as a person and I want her to be happy too, we used to be very close before I came out but I now feel distant from her and I don't know what to do.
Hello Eullk I now how difficult it is, but you are going to have to give your mum time. You know how long it took you to accept being gay, so let here go through the various stages towards acceptance (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). It sounds like she is in the denial stage at the moment. Having your dad's support is fantastic. Well done for coming out.
I'm really happy you at least have the one accepting and affirming parent, even as much as it hurts that the other is not. From my experience, I'd say a good idea is to make sure there's nothing else in your life that your mom would be worried about. That way, she can't make any false connections between any vice she sees and your orientation. One thing my biodad would keep saying is, "you have bigger things to worry about than the fact that I'm a homophobic ass, blah de blah blah." Basically using any problems I had to avoid solving the problem of him saying stupid shit all the time and me getting offended and hating him.
It does take some parents time to adjust to the idea as they have to go through a period of personal reflection and grieving. I know it know it may sound strange to think in terms of grief, as we most commonly associate these feelings with death and bereavement, but the similarities are striking. Have a look at this page: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief We have to remember that our parents often have no prior warning of our big announcement and it can come as a real shock that knocks them sideways (like a sudden bereavement). We, on the other hand, have many months and years to adjust to the idea of being LGBT. Your Mum may benefit from checking out the website of FFLAG UK. FFLAG's website has lots of downloadable resources (maybe you could print off the booklet for parents for her to read). Here is a link to the website: Home Hope this may help.
Keep talking to your mom and get her some outside advice, like FFLAG as mentioned above. Get your dad also to talk to her.
Hi! First of all, congratulations. It takes a lot of guts to come out to your parents. Secondly, please try to remain as positive as possible. Your mother is struggling right now and it is a very normal thing for parents to be upset and in denial about their child being LGBTQ. I came out to my parents over a year ago and my father is only now beginning to at least accept the fact. It's hard, and I know you're likely quite upset, but remind yourself that this is likely only temporary. Your mother will come around, and likely sooner than my father did (he is a stubborn man). She still loves you, she's just likely shocked right now. Give it time, and maybe once she's calmed enough, you can refer her to PFLAG... It's an online resource for parents who are "coping" with their children coming out to them. Give it time, it'll be okay Good luck, and stay strong.
Thanks guys this has really helped me, I've given my parents the FFLAG booklet and I hope that soon enough she can accept the fact that I am gay, an hour ago she spoke to me and told me that she still loves me, but she needs time to process the news.
I think that is good progress, and I think she is right.. She does need time to process the news, it is big news for her as well to hear just as it's big news for you to share.. Just stay open and honest with her, and just give her time and let her come around when she is ready. It is good that she has told you she still loves you, that is always something a child needs to hear I think, especially in these times.
