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I did something stupid

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dast, Sep 29, 2014.

  1. Dast

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    For about two weeks I have been talking with a guy I met on a dating website. It was fun. And, let's be honest, I was lonely. Well, we decided we wanted to meet up in real life for once. We did. This was yesterday. We went on our little date thing and I just wish I could say how magical it wasn't. Literally, from the second I physically met him, all those feelings of affection I had for him disappeared in an instant. I just wasn't feeling that connection, you know? It was like he was good in theory, but not so much in real life. I mean, I had fun, but not romantic fun. And the thing is, I could tell he was REALLY into me. As I was leaving he wanted to hug, and I really didn't want to, but I conceded. We ended up hugging three times. I think he may have wanted to kiss me. So after I escaped (for lack of a better word) I was determined to get the first text in to tell him how much I enjoyed our date, but didn't see this going anywhere. I was not fast enough. I had been gone for barely two minutes when he texted me. So, I did the right but hard thing and let him off REALLY easy. I told him how I didn't feel any connection and I didn't want to waste his time. I told him I didn't wanna lead him on. I told him there was nothing wrong with him (because he asked me if there was something that he did). I said I didn't think we should be friends because that would be awkward. I was feeling really good about. Until about 7 last night. I texted him saying that I was sorry, and was hoping we could still talk (I really just wanted to be friends), and now I'm back to where I was before our date.

    But with a twist. Now I know that I'm not attracted to him. Last night it seemed like a good idea, but now that I've had some time to really think about it, I know how stupid I was. I am doing what I didn't want to do. I am leading him on so I don't hurt his feelings. All because I was feeling lonely. I feel horrible for this. I know I should just text him and tell him all this, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Now he's texting me even more than before.

    I feel wretched for what I know I must do. I know I must be honest with him. But after all I did yesterday how can I bring myself to tell him all this, less than 24 hours later. He already wants to see me again this upcoming weekend. I know I should break this off sooner rather than later, because the longer I wait the harder it gets, but still. Oh my god!!!!! What should I do?

    Sorry, I'm just really freaking out right now. Please, let me know what you think. I don't want to end this by being a jerk, but I'm afraid that's the only way this will come across as now.

    Oh, and to clarify, I didn't realize last night that the reason I was texting him back was because I was lonely. I didn't realize that until this morning.
     
    #1 Dast, Sep 29, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2014
  2. Starfleet

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    Hi. :slight_smile: We all make these kinds of mistakes. You aren't a jerk, you are lonely. Nobody ever lied about being lonely.

    Be honest with him. He'll be hurt, but not as hurt as if you let it go on longer.

    Wishing you the best. (*hug*)
     
  3. Dast

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    Thank you for the advice. I will do it. Despite everything, it's all better this way right?
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I've been in exactly this situation and I can only agree with Starfleet, it is better to be honest now than allow things to continue and cause him more pain. My only advice would be to choose your words carefully so as not to increase the hurt.
     
  5. resu

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    Yes, just be honest and say that you were feeling lonely. It's a completely human feeling. It's actually good you met him after only two weeks of discussion. Someone here said it's best to meet in person as soon as it seems safe because you'll figure out a lot from the interpersonal interaction, and it looks like your case is true in that sense.