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I need guidance!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lostin2014, Sep 29, 2014.

  1. Lostin2014

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    I am in a same sex relationship (at least I think I am) but I am no longer sure whether my boyfriend loves me any longer. We have been through many ups and downs since the beginning of this year when we first got together. He used to still speak to people and indirectly flirt, I asked him to stop but he couldnt so I made an account online and flirted with random people and let him see those messages which upset him.

    Many other things have happened from his family talkking behind my back and interfering in our friendship/relationship, he lives at home with his family and isnt out about his sexuality but swears im the one for him etc etc...but the peak was when he left me after an argument after I asked him to never leave even if we argue because its very dangerous.

    I had then been put in a dark place and was very weak. So i opened up to someone online about him (i me two people on my lunch break tring to seek advice from other gay people who may have gone thru similar situations - i didnt tell him I met them though which was maybe a mistake but I knew what I was doing as it was my lunch break and i wasnt attracted to them at all) and this third person persuaded me to let them come to my house. He drugged my drink and last thing I remember was waking up I dont recall anything else but I saw a condom in the bin and assumed the worst. It killed me. I was scared. My bf then saw the messages a month later and got upset. I tried to explain but in fear I couldnt get out the whole story.

    He still said he wanted me though even chased me outside because I was harming myself after me and him fought trying to not let him leave the house. Yes we had fights physical fights .. well more like struggles not really real fights.

    That night he convinced me it was fine what happened its hard to forget but he has forgiven and we are stil in a relationship. He was real strong but then he next day I found out he made 2 gay accounts speaking to people. He posted al his real photos and wrote a long profile about himself whats hes into etc etc... I was heartbroken.

    I couldnt get past it. I kept harming myself. He called police and it just got outta control. eventully he left.

    The end of that week he sent me a message to say he wants a break or feels we need a break. I never replied. I was too upset. but I heard him and thought ok cool let me go seek professional help to aid me mentally and tried to fix up myself. However I then found out that my bf, who told me last that we was on a break, he then went sleeping around with more than one person for every day of that week we were meant to be on a break. Had full sex willingly with other guys and made accounts purely to meet people because he classed himself as single because i never replied.

    I am very lost, concerned. I dont know what he wants anymore. I saw him 2 days ago and reached out to him but I dont think he wants to try with me anymore. It seems as though he is used to his old life of sleeping around and meeting strangers. I dont know where to turn to or what to do. I cant make sense of anything.

    I gave him the world and helped him so much I even got him a job and took his family places including him and them in most plans, waited n waited for him always. I am lost.

    THE Worst thing is he feels he has done NOTHING wrong at all. He has no regret or remorse or no guilt inside him for what he has done during the "break". He doesnt care and feels as though it is on me to "win" him back. I knew he met people but never did i think he had full on sex. And definitely not twice in one week.

    My main question is this "Even if someone broke up with their lover whos been their for them through thick and thin, how can they just sleep around that quickly with random strangers and old people they used to meet? Is that true love? Is that normal thing to do? I am asking because I just do NOT know.

    It doesnt seem as though he loves me. I dont think he ever did because he is not helping me understand anything especially when he comes back with "well you never replied so far as im concerned I was single so yeah i was allowed to meet and have sex with other people if i wanted to" - please....i just dont understand that mindset of someone who says im the love of their life and who wanted to marry me.

    I know its long and i am sorry but any advice ... i would really appreciate it
     
  2. Starfleet

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    I am very sorry you are hurting. (*hug*)

    I need to think a little, to see if I can help you better. I want you to know we're here for you. :slight_smile: Hopefully someone with a lot more relationship experience than me will post soon too.
     
  3. thischick7

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    First off, it's really scary that you may have been raped by a stranger. You may want to consider calling the police. Second of all, it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to get back at you. I'm no dating expert either, but I think that it sounds like you both have some issues to work through. The tit for tat, back and forth attempts at making each other jealous is unhealthy and controlling. It's definitely not a way to express your love for one another. Although, it does sound like you guys have genuine feelings for one another, I would say that this relationship sounds destructive. Maybe if you guys could sit down and have a mature discussion about the sleeping around etc., and come to a mutal conclusion about what is and isn't acceptable for you in a relationship you could work out these issues. Sounds to me like you need to communicate, and set some boundaries if you do continue this relationship. With that being said, people are all so different in how the cope with stress. The fact that he immediately went out and slept with a bunch of different dudes could indicate that he has a hard time dealing with his emotions, and is using sex as a coping mechanism.
     
  4. Starfleet

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    thischick, thanx for posting! :slight_smile:

    Lostin, I'm sorry, I'm really tired and needed a minute to think. I think you have some serious issues going on. Have you been raped? And this relationship seems unhealthy.

    I'm not judging, but I hope you will take care of your safety and your health.
     
  5. Lostin2014

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    Thank you both for replying

    we are meant to have a meeting today.... it is the mature thing to do to discuss everything. I dont think he wants me and if he does then im hoping there is a very long detail explanation as to why he did what he did and if he loved me then he needs to feel sorry and awful for what he did .. if not... i wont be able to move forward whether we get back together or not
     
  6. Starfleet

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    Lostin, I wish you well, and I wish you to be safe and happy. Take care of yourself,okay? :slight_smile: