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I like my cousin who ignores me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lkcas, Sep 30, 2014.

  1. lkcas

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    I don't want to give all the details so my writing sounds like someone just listed
    things. I'm from Europe, huge closet bi/gay and my English is not that good.

    My cousin who is a year younger than me (and gay), used to visit us a lot. We live in a
    small town. We both have adhd so we were really wild and used to do all kinds
    of stupid stuff together. One day he kissed me on the lips and I thought it was
    one of his little pranks or whatever. I never thought of anything about it.
    Then he did it again, probably 3 times until he stopped visiting us.
    Now almost seven years later my dad told me he will be working for us.
    My dad runs a small business and we both work for him.

    In a way he has calmed down and matured a lot but he's also really cocky or
    crazy I don't know. Like he made my homophobic friend drive him home and
    when he was short on cigs he asked local teenagers to give him a cig. Small talk
    doesn't exist in my country so this is weird. He can talk to everyone out of blue
    except me.

    Sometimes I can feel his eyes on me and couple of times I caught him yet he only
    smirks. and I don't know what to think of it because like I said, he ignores me,
    never pays attention when I walk in the room* and talks to me only when he needs
    something.
    *I live near my parents so I visit them a lot. Also, free food.

    I don't know what I want. It's not like I could ever come out of the closet
    for him or for me. And just because he's gay doesn't mean he's gay for me
    so there's that... oh, and we're cousins.

    So should I just forget about this? I accept opinions but please, reign it in.
     
  2. lukeluvznicki13

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    Hi there :slight_smile:

    Unfortunately, I think it is best that you move on and don't even consider anything at all.
    He's your cousin so he is a family member - not sure if liking, dating a family member is ethically right?

    That's just my opinion...I would probably just move on and leave him be...he may be playing with your emotions etc.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    You don't say how old you are, but would it be reasonable to assume that the kissing took place when you were both quite young?

    If he has any feelings for you now, he is playing it very cool. It's entirely possible he sees complications in pursuing anything with you, as his cousin, so he could be deliberately maintaining distance in your relationship.

    I'm not going to pass comment on the rights or wrongs of a relationship with a cousin (it's really not for me to judge), but I do think it's better to not have that sort of complication. If you can move beyond these feelings I think it would be for the best.
     
  4. lkcas

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    It's legal in my country. But yeah, maybe you're right

    ---------- Post added 30th Sep 2014 at 10:03 AM ----------

    sounds reasonable, thanks
     
  5. Kaylen

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    You might want to just try and have a conversation with him when he's alone - try and pursue it, but not too hard. See what he has to say - it doesn't really have to be about anything in particular, and then ask him why he ignores you.

    On a different note, aside from the two before me, where I'm from relationships between cousins is not an ethical issue, more of a 'please be aware of any birth risks' situation. But, uh, that's not an issue. I am slightly surprised that it's considered 'unethical' in other places.

    But, I do suppose if you live somewhere that it's an issue you might want to consider that as a complication, and see if your willing to endure it. Your family will surely figure it out at some point.

    I don't see anything wrong with it. You really ought to just try and talk to him.