He broke up with me

After 8 Months of being in a long distance relationship, my boyfriend broke up with me. He was my everything. I can't describe how much I fell in love with him. There is still nothing I wouldn't do for him. Maybe if you scroll through some of my previous topics you will realize what I did for him. Here is a short summary:

1. I lied to my parents about where I am going, when I was actually visiting him.
2. After some time, I told my parents I am gay so I can visit him without telling them lies.
3. I went on a surgery.
4. Each time I could go, I visited him.
5. I asked for days off when we had overbooking in a hotel where I work. Two times during maximum occupancy in a hotel, when they needed more employees, I got days off so I can go and visit him.
6. I was always there for him. Each time he messaged me, I replied. Each time he wanted to Skype, we did. In the middle of the night, day, 6 AM, 2AM, 5 PM.
7. When he broke his touch screen on his mobile phone, and when he cried about it, I was the one who ordered new, expensive replacement screen.
8. I wanted to quit college and move to live with him. I was so close of doing it.

Last time when I visited him, he wanted to go out. As I was there for only 3 days, I didn't want to go out, because I know that if we go out Saturday night, we will be home Sunday morning, sleep whole Sunday, and Monday I have to go back home. So I told him that staying home with his sister, watching some movie is a better idea. He started yelling at me, he told me so many awful things, I was so sad. However, I decided to go out with him. He said he was sorry, I didn't even look at him. Few minutes after he told me "I love you" and I answered: "Thank you". He was mad at me while we were going home and told me: Take all of your stuff and go home. I did. When he saw me leaving he started to cry and begged me to stay. I did. And this was our first bigger argue in 8 months. We had few of them before, but nothing that cannot be solved.

After a month of the last visit, one night, I called him on Skype. I was not happy because last days when I told I love you, he didn't say I love you too. When I said I miss you, he didn't say I miss you to. So, I asked him what is wrong with him. He said he is working a lot, 3 shifts, 8 hours. He said that he just sleeps and works. Than he asked me why am I not happy. I didn't want to say anything, because I taught he will know what is wrong with me. He didn't. Few minutes after, he told me he is not happy with me. He said we are not the same in some things, like going out. I told him why I wanted to stay with him home. We couldn't find any solution. I was saying one thing, he said something else. And he just said that he can't do it any more. He said he can't handle the distance, although he never came to my town. I was always the one to go and visit him. He said he needs me more than just on Viber or Skype. He said I am not there for him. He said he is not happy for some time, that it is expensive to travel whole time from my town to his. And I can't imagine that after 8 months of telling me he loves me, he will wait for me, he wants to live one day with me, now suddenly because of one stupid night out, he found so many reasons to break up with me.

His ex boyfriend hurt him. I never, ever would do it. I gave him time to get over it, I would now give my life for him.

The day after we broke up, 7:30 AM he messaged me. He asked me how I am, and also told me he was out, listened to the songs which reminded him of us. He told me he is sad. I told him to go to sleep. He did. When he woke up, he messaged me again. He told me that in one hand he think he is making a good, and in the other hand a bad decision. He told me he is not sure. When I told him about what I did for him, and how he forgot to send me a birthday message. He started to cry. He told me he would come to my city but he is working and can't get days off. I also started to cry. I didn't know what to say nor what to do. I told him that this break up is his decision, not our. I told him I am loosing a lot, but he looses more.

And now, I am so sad. I can't stop thinking of him. I want to know what is happening with his life. I did not delete him from Facebook, I have his Skype, Viber everything. I still love him so much, and I hate it, but I just want him to realize what I did to him, and I also want him together with him. i miss his smile, his eyes, his voice. Everything. Do you think he will forget me, or will message me again?:tears::tears::tears::tears::tears:

 

I know, but I want my ex to be that man, because I feel so much for him

 

Will try to

 

Thanks. But you know, when I decided to tell my family I am gay, there was no one standing by me. I was so alone. All of my friends, they study either in the capital, or in the USA. I was so alone. My boyfriend was my only support. My plan was to finish college, start a new live with him, and help him start his college. Basically, I created whole new life and he was its center. Now, when there is no him, I feel paralyzed. If any one listened to Maroon 5's - Payphone, that is exactly how I feel. So stupid feeling.

No, I had one before him, but it was barely a relationship.

 

So you also think he does not know what he wants? My friend told me the same, and she also told me that maybe I just started to mean much to him, and that he got scared he will loose me, or something . When I told him this, he was about to continue the relationship. What bothers me is that he broke up with me, but actually he didn't know if he wants it, or not.

 

The other thing maybe. He is sure and I am sure about his orientation.

 

He just messaged me again! He wants to know how I am. Like, why??? You said you do not love me, you do not care about me, so, what is what you want from me now??? People are hard to understand, indeed.

 

He did. A guy he loved cheated on him, and he forgave it. But ever since then, their relationship was not the same. He loved him much and I know that because he told me he had a rough time with him and after. His sister confirmed.

I never pushed him to forget about his ex. I never gave him any reason to fell insecure. I would never be able to cheat on him. Each day, what I think most about is him and when I will go and visit him and his family. I did so many things, I would never let anyone hurt him, especially would not let myself hurt someone who means so much to me.

Even now, after he broke up with me, I planned to call his sister and tell her that if anything bad happens to him, I want to be the first to know, so I can help him.

 

I know this is only thing I can do, but when it is about long distance relationship, I think he will forget me, rather than realize what I did for him.

I just hope this was his bad decision

(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

He messaged me again, asking how I am.. I really don't know what he wants of me.. And I don't know if I should or should not answer