Hi guys, It's been a SUPER long time since I posted on here. I apologize for that. Anyway, I'm in a bit of a situation where I could use some advice. I became really close friends with this guy (who is also gay). I eventually developed feelings for him, but did not tell him for several months. As a result, my feelings grew stronger. When I finally told him how I felt about him, he said he just didn't feel the same way, and has feelings for someone else (a person I do not know well). Now that's not the complicated part. It gets sticky because he said one day he might have feelings for me and kinda told me to wait it out and see dry The thing is, I think I deserve a little better than that. He wants to stay friends in the meantime though, and is wanting to hang out and stuff. I just don't want to do it. If I stay close with him I'm going to be in this perpetual state of "does he like me yet?" and I don't really wanna live that way. Anyway, my question is am I being too harsh? Should I try and stay friends with him? I'm afraid he sees me as kind of an alternate in case his other interest does not work out. Thanks! :icon_bigg
You're not. The "maybe someday I'll have them" is a dick move. He's giving you hope for something that throughout your frienship he hasn't felt. I also avoid my crush after getting rejected, and after I'm over him I can talk to him again. Maybe just push him away, but only enough to mantain an acquaintance relationship so that when you get over him you can easily become friends again. I'm actually going through that right now And I'm doing good. Good luck
Basically you are his "backup"? He either likes you or he does not, everything else will be a "compromise". If you find value in a friendship with this guy, then by all means stay friends, knowing that you will never be anything more. If you don't find value though, i'd stay clear of this guy as he seems like the type of self loving person who only uses people without caring for their feelings.
I don't think you are being harsh at all - it's about self respect. In asking you to wait and see, he devalued your relationship with him as a friend. It also says a lot about his character and it would lead me to question any feelings I previously held for him. Would you really want a relationship with someone who likes to keep his options open in this way? You can't put your life and happiness on hold for someone like this. Yes, you do deserve better.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you have every right to not be as friendly. What he said was very crass and hurtful. If he ever does start to have feelings, he will need to give a big apology and be sincere.
Thanks for the helpful replies! I just don't really know where to go from here. I wish I hadn't fallen for him. I thought we had a really good friendship. But now, I don't know. The guy I fell for a year ago didn't annoy the living hell out of me. The guy I fell for a year ago wouldn't have told me to wait and see. Maybe he's not the person I thought he was. In any case, I do not think this friendship will last much longer.
