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Is me helping (Ed) come out, really helping...???

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Thealth33, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. Thealth33

    Regular Member

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    Ok so i am writting about what to do next with my friend. we are both 28 y/o males

    I have been very very good friends with my friend (Ed) for over 6 years. I have lived with him as a roommate for 4 of those years. And we feel very comfortable talking with each other about stuff. He confides in me with his problems and helps call me out on my bull shit sometimes. Since the first time i met Ed i thought he might be gay. I am not trying to be judgemental or say you can profile gay people but i just had a feeling.

    Throughout our years living together i further and further believed this was the case. 90% of our close friends all also believe he is gay and wonder when he will come out. Recently I had a dinner with him and brought up the fact that maybe the reason his relationships with girls never last more than 1-3 months is because they are not able to give him everything he needs in a relationship. Without much clarification he got what i was saying, and quickly said, "i have thought about that but i dont think i am."

    Making a 2 hour long convo short, the main points were that; he has had a few homesexual experiences, he says he enjoyed them but never 'finished', he said he doesnt really think he is attracted to gay people but thinks it would be cool because he thinks he would like the lifestyle, he said the only males he is physically attracted to are two of his close friends. (me being one of them, he didnt tell me this i just know for sure). and he said he thinks he only wants to experiment with someone he feels comfortable with (me or the other friend) (this has made me very very uncomfortable since this conversation) I then told him i support any decision he decides to do, and that maybe he should give homo/bisexuality it a fair shot to make sure he isnt gay or bi before he closes the door on the possibility. He then told me he appreciates me caring enough to think about his relationships and try to help with solutions.

    So all of that was 2 months ago since then he got into a serious relationship. said he loved this girl and that noone has ever made him feel like this then he proceeded to cheat on her and basically blow her off after 1 1/2 months.... like he does with most of his girlfriends, who btw are all pretty awesome and I think would make a good girlfriend.

    So i already felt like i might be out of place talking with him the first time.

    Would it be wrong of me to bring this up again and maybe suggest trying harder and the possibility? I feel like my feeling is coming from a place of acceptance and caring. But i dont know if deep down it is also a feeling of come on i know you are why dont you just say it? Like i said i feel like it is the first feeling, but either way i would be super supportive and understanding along with all of his friends. ]

    So i ask you emptycloset. should i try again to help nudge him or its not my place to say anything.
     
  2. AKTodd

    Full Member

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    Assuming that he's actually non-straight, then only he can come to the decision to accept it.

    You've talked to him about it, he's aware of the possibility, that you would support him, and I guarantee he hasn't forgotten what you talked about.

    I would let it lie, this is something he has to come to on his own.

    It's totally natural for someone (regardless of orientation) to want to experiment with someone they feel comfortable with. Were you comfortable with the first woman you had sex with? Given a choice, would you want to be?

    As far as 'knowing he meant you'. While that's possible, I'm reminded of how many straight friends I had in college who, when they found out I was gay, proceeded to (oh so gently) remind me that they were straight. And whose reaction, when I told them 'No problem, you're not my type/I don't find you attractive' consistently started with 'What!!?? Why not??!!.

    Straight guys seem to be very consistent in thinking that everyone is into them:wink:

    He may be into you. He may not. Presuming you aren't open to...experimenting with him, then (if and when he gets to the point of accepting himself) you might try to point him in the direction of guys who will treat him well. Or at least lend an ear when he needs someone to talk to.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd