So I was chatting with my one friend to whom I was out (he is gay) and he asked me whether I feel like a cheater to be bi-sexual, loving a guy and/or a girl regardless of how I feel about someone individually. Frankly, I couldn't answer him. I told him how I had a crush on a guy when I already had a girlfriend and my feelings for him was independent of what I felt about my gf. Again he asked me how I could independently love two people like that. I feel confused and conflicted because I couldn't reason out my feelings. :bang: :bang: Can anyone help me figure out this confusing situation?
In regards to crushes, a lot of people including straight people get crushes whilst in a relationship, it is what you do with that feeling.. You can just appreciate you have a crush and let it go there or some people might take it to the next level of wanting something to happen and openly flirt with their crush. A crush is totally something separate though to having deep feelings like being in love with two people at once.. I know there are people out there who feel they can love two people at once and I am not judging or saying it can't happen, but I actually do get where your friend is coming from them, cause I honestly can't see how someone can fall in love with someone whilst already in a committed loving relationship with someone else regardless of what genders are involved. To me, you love someone, you give them your whole heart.. If you fall for someone else, it means you don't feel the same way for the person you are with or your feelings for that person has lessened..
What you said made some sense to me Blossom85. I think I didn't "love" him in a wholehearted way, it's rather an urge to be close to him. Though I can't say I loved my girlfriend with all my heart (we have our differences), I haven't gone as far as to love someone else. So my answer to my friend would be something like, "it's only a crush. I didn't say I love him, it's just an irresistible urge to be close"... Does it sound okay?
Glad I could help you make some sense of it and that does sound okay to me as well. With crushes, you do wanna spend time with them, be close and get to know them. A crush can be that you admire that person and find them interesting as well, it doesn't all have to mean you love that person.
Well, I think it's very possible to love or be in love with two people, but like you said, you are not love with him. It's just a little crush and a need to feel close to him. I totally understand where you are coming from because I am bisexual. It's like, even though I love my boyfriend, I have crushed on many women while being with him. And I'm sure he's noticed other women as well, which only makes him human. Like Blossom85 mentioned, it really has nothing to do with being bisexual because straight people can also feel the same way. And to answer your friend's question, you'd have to actually cheat on your significant other in order for it to be considered cheating, so I think your friend is a little confused. I'm not sure why people assume that bisexual people cannot be/remain monogamous. Perhaps, he thinks bisexuality is synonymous with polyamory?
Thanks a bunch Blossom85. Finally I can be confident about my answer. It's been bothering me for quite a while. Just as you said pinklov3ly, I think my friend might have been confused with what bi-sexuality really means. The term "polyamory" was not known to me and thank you for familiarizing me with it. I'll certainly need that as reference when I'm explaining myself to my friend.
Le biphobia strikes again. Partnered straights & gays have crushes on random peps all the time too. It's got nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Thank you gravechild, this quote is amazing and I most definitely feel the same way. I just shared my refreshed opinion with my friend thanks to the answers I got from you guys. And he agrees if it's just a crush it's reasonable. He said that no one can love two people at the same time independently, not at least for the same extent. That being said, he asked me another question to which I couldn't answer ( I pulled his hair out for torpedoing me like this ). His question was and I quote, "you have two friends, a girl and a guy, equally important friends, both quite cute and sticks with you even in hard times. Who would you date if both of them say that they love you?" I thought to myself I'd go with the girl but that thought alone gives me a guilty feeling since I've been close with guy friends all the time and by close I mean really close. It's another one of those things I can't figure out... :/ I'd like to ask that from you guys if you are comfortable with it. What do you think? >>"you have two friends, a girl and a guy, equally important friends, both quite cute and sticks with you even in hard times. Who would you date if both of them say that they love you?"<<
Hey, Mane92, sorry for jumping in out of the blue, but this thread caught my eye. In answer to your question, what would I do if both and important guy friend and an important girl friend said they'd love me? Be really happy for like three seconds before I realised I'd have to pick one... At that point for me it would come down to specifics. Which one of them I feel is a good match for me, romantically. Also, I would think on which one of them I am most physically attracted to. Gender alone would not be enough to sway my decision one way or another, it would all come down to the person themselves. If ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING was totally equal I wouldn't be able to choose. To me, that kind of thing is what makes me pretty damn certain that I'm bisexual. Gender is a fine thing, and I think both men and women are awesome and sexy in their unique ways, but it takes different things than what gender someone is to determine if I'll date them. Hope this helps.
Many thanks Haze Just like you mentioned, the fact that I cannot chose between the two of them would mean I'm bi-sexual and still I'm okay with it. I like the feeling that I can think of a guy and/or a girl in a romantic way, though it sucks when it comes to the choosing part. You said that you'd consider the one who you are most physically attracted to and the one with the best personality. I just had a moment to think about it and I felt that I would chose the one who's more fragile to my negative response. It makes sense if you are thinking from the receiving end point of view, right? The one who would be stronger to the rejection will be okay with it, so I think. As much as they would love me, I have to love the one who's most desperate for me, I think. It's just my opinion. Do share any more views you may have
Ok. Just a few things. First, glad you got some good answers! Next, for those saying you can't love two people at once, you totally can. Love has different degrees. You love your family, your friends, your partners, just in different ways. I love my boyfriend and my girlfriend. But not in the exact same way. My love for my boyfriend goes VERY deep. But I do have feelings and even love for my girlfriend. Itwould make me feel bad that my feelings for her are slightly less if she wasn't ok with it; but she is ok with it all being bi as well and understanding. But yes as stated by others, even straight and gay people have crushes and it doesn't mean you are gonna get with everyone you find attractive. Bisexuals can be pollymorous or monogamous. Bi doesn't equal polly. Attraction is just that... attraction. For your next question if a girl friend and a guy friend both told me they loved me, I would be flattered. Then I would think about how I feel about them. Even if they both loved me, if I didn't have feelings for either of them, I wouldn't date either of them. But if I realized I had feelings for one or both, I would date one or both. Usually, I won't date a friend at all though. There are just lines better not crossed. If things didn't work out, I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. Lastly, while it is good to educate people on bisexuality, you shouldn't be harrased about your sexuality. You don't have to explain your feelings any more than he has to explain his.
