I'll try my best to organize this. The situation: So there is this hot guy I like in the band (college) and he is funny. I have mixed feelings for him and I'm afraid I might lose him. By mixed feelings I'm afraid I'm lame or I'm weird or I just like him a lot. He does talk to me but sometimes I feel he doesn't like me or is avoiding me (this is coming from my irrationality of my mind btw). Him: He, on the other hand, tickles me, pets me, touches me, [and/or] hugs me (which I really question his sexuality. In my mind it's like "you heartless monster that was adorable" because it was adorable and that reminds me that I myself am not in a relationship. He once "proposed" to me after I commented on how hot he was (I was being serious btw lol) and that felt like he likes me. I sometimes question his sexuality. My irrational mind: my social anxiety side (let's call him Avery) is always like "omg he hates me" after not talking to me or sometimes when he smiles at me it turns to "oh good he likes me" then after just not standing by me it's like "oh wait never mind he hates me". My mind is unstable and it pains me so much. I really like him though. My social skills: I can never score better with a guy because it's just hard and whenever I'm alone with him I feel like I'm lame and just don't know what to talk to. "I'm gay": I really want to tell him I'm gay but how? I feel like he knows because I may have said things that slip out loud. An approach?: I want to give him a hug sometimes but I feel like he will push me away or just think I'm weird, but he does those thing to me, I never initiate those things because it might separate our friendship (I'm so scared of that). I like him and I need advice.
You are wayyyyyy overthinking this. He does not think you are weird or lame. If he hugs you why can't you hug him? You are jumping to conclusions that can't possibly be made. I would approach coming out to him as "Hey, we are pretty good friends right? I have something I want to tell you." And then come out. If you are lucky he might might might maybe come out to you, but we have no idea if he is gay or what so, not likely. Sorry, not trying to be a downer. Anyway, you just have to tell him you are gay, wait a bit (month-ish, depending on how he reacts of course) and then tell him that you have feelings for him. Maybe you don't want to lose his friendship or whatever but you have to ask yourself (not being jaded here) if you would really be friends if you were never attracted to him in the first place. If the answer is you would still be friends even if you weren't attracted to him then maybe make sure he is cool enough that telling him wouldn't hurt the relationship. Inevitably it would change but just as long as it isn't for the worse then it is perfectly fine. Telling him your feelings would make you feel better and you ALWAYS come first. Of course this all depends on his reaction when you come out. In my experience there are two types of people who are touchy feely like you have described. Either they are gay/bi and interested or simply so secure in their sexuality that they are comfortable with physical contact with the same sex. Until you come out and start the process towards telling him how you feel we will never know which it is. Overall, Go for it! This guy sounds like a good person that regardless of his orientation would not reject you when you come out. You have nothing to lose so start the process and let us know what happens. Good luck!
