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I'm a virgin but he's not and now he's talking about having sex with me...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by johnnyr860, Oct 8, 2014.

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  1. johnnyr860

    johnnyr860
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    Well both of us are 25 the difference between him and I is I've never had sex before but he has. We're not boyfriends yet we are just taking things slow and seeing where they take us but I told him I really like him and he said the same thing to me.

    Just recently he started bringing up the topic of sex he knows I'm a virgin I told him all he said is he's a bottom so I have to be the top and I said it's fine not a problem with me. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with sex it's that I'm nervous. I don't want to screw this up and make an embarrassment of myself for not knowing what I am doing in bed.

    Like what advice can you give a gay guy virgin like me? What was your first time like? I like him but don't want to screw this up. Help and advice is appreciated.
     
    #1 johnnyr860, Oct 8, 2014
  2. resu

    resu
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    Hi, I'm actually in a similar situation (and similar age range), and I'm a virgin. I think the main thing is you should never feel pressured to have sex before you're ready. What you could try to do is just be flirting or talking about sex without actually doing it. Maybe even try masturbating together or other forms of non-penetrative sex. If he cares for you, he will know what it means to be a nervous virgin. Just remember that having sex doesn't mean you're going to mess up the relationship, and sometimes the anxiety can be worse than the actual act. If you're not into it, it will be unpleasant no matter who you're with.

    I kind of think of losing your virginity like getting a drivers license. You've been practicing on your own, but once you get the license, it isn't really that big of a deal. You'll still keep learning how to drive, and you'll likely not drive the same car forever. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 resu, Oct 8, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2014
  3. jezebel

    jezebel
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    Okay so I'm not a dude but I figured I'd throw my two cents in here, anyways.
    I totally agree and want to stress what resu^ said about not giving in and having sex because you feel pressured.
    I think the longer we go without having sex, the more we build it up in our minds to be this huge scary thing and it's not. It can be fun and it can be meaningful and anywhere in between. The advice I'd give you is to be as open and honest as humanly possible with this guy. I'd also encourage you to remind yourself of all the things you have to offer in a relationship so that you don't start making decisions based on your fear of "screwing this up."
    Honestly, remind yourself that if this guy is someone who is worth being in a relationship with, then he's going to be understanding about your fears regarding your inexperience.
    Try not to over-think it when you're in the moment. Just do what feels right.
    :slight_smile:
    Happy humping :wink:
     
    #3 jezebel, Oct 8, 2014
  4. bornthiswaybby

    bornthiswaybby
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    My first time was embarrassing and I cried. But if the person you're with reassures you that it's fine, then you'll be fine. I was experiencing pain when I was topping due to the tightness of an anus, and I wasn't used to it. But it's really not difficult, just some hip thrusting :slight_smile: he'll understand, after all, he was a virgin at one point too, you have to realize that :slight_smile: he understands.
     
    #4 bornthiswaybby, Oct 8, 2014
  5. Mystory

    Mystory
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    To be honest, I always thought bottoming was the hardest part of gay sex- from experience there are just so many things that could go embarrassingly wrong with bottoming (e.g. extreme pain, feeling like urinating, or pooping), and with topping, I feel like the concern is more so centred on not hurting the other person and responding to their moods and needs. When the bottom is stressed or in pain, they tend to tense up and become rigid... making it very hard for both you and your friend here.

    That said, I'd say to not worry about it. I think the best way to approach this is to not "plan" anything, more so just hang out lots with each other, try cuddling up with each other, sleeping in the same bed with each other, and when the time comes, and when you are both in the mood, it just comes naturally and everything just works.

    So yeah, that's my advice, not to plan anything or say something like "let's try...", rather the best times is when it just comes gradually, maybe some kissing to begin with, then some hugging and dry humping, then so on... sorry for explicitness
     
    #5 Mystory, Oct 8, 2014
  6. johnnyr860

    johnnyr860
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    Oh yes I should have said he loves to cuddle. I haven't officially used the L word with him yet because he hasn't used it on me which begs the question- what are you waiting for? I mean we say I like you a lot to each other but love?

    That seems like a whole new level but I'm sure I'll muster up the nerves to say it eventually soon enough. As for the sex he said it's so special and awesome that I've never had sex because he just wants it to mean everything I want it to for me and that we can just take it slow and easy starting out so it's not too much for me. Hopefully things here go well for me.

    Still feeling a bit nervous but I have to remind myself to breath and relax he knows I worry too much about the little things about us. It's also weird because we're not officially a couple yet but he calls me his baby all the time either way I like it I just usually say babe or hun.
     
    #6 johnnyr860, Oct 9, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2014
  7. Mystory

    Mystory
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    I would personally be careful with the use of the word "Love", it gets thrown around all too often without people understanding the gravitas of what it entails... When the time comes, I guess it will feel right to tell him- and when you do, it will be really special...

    I'm sure with the right mood you won't feel nervous! Goodluck, maybe cuddling will help a lot with calming yourself
     
    #7 Mystory, Oct 9, 2014
  8. Chip

    Chip
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    My personal opinion is in agreement with Mystory. If you want the word 'love' to mean anything, then use it sparingly and only when you've hold time to really think and contemplate what it means.

    As for what to do and not to do... Your friend knows you are a virgin. So there's no shame in not knowing what you are doing. Sex is like anything else... It takes item, practice, and experience to be good at it and anyone who expects otherwise just isn't being realistic.

    So I would say, as hard as it might be, to relax, go with the flow, give yourself permission to be imperfect, and just let what happens happen. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Chip, Oct 11, 2014
  9. geordieman

    geordieman
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    just relax it will happen when the time is right, spoon, explore each other and find what you are both comfortable with
     
    #9 geordieman, Oct 12, 2014
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