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my boyfriend is very possessive and abusive

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dave9, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. dave9

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    Hi, i am 21 and my boyfriend is 33. i love him so much and he makes me happy. We have been together for 2 years and he is my first. He is so sweet to me and buys anything i ask for. He asked me to move in with him and i was thrilled. however, since i moved in with him, he has become so possessive and always,get,jealous when he sees me talking to other guys. I am still in college so he takes me every morning and picks me up in the evening. He doesn't let me hang out with my friends. When we are at home, he never lets me leave unless am going to see my parents or college of which he always drops me. He is also very sexual. He is the top in our relationship. He told me that since i now stay with him, he doesn't have to beg for sex like before and i should always be ready for,him anytime. We have sex alot and i cant say no sometimes because i don't want to hurt him. we usually have it about 5 times everyday. Its so painful sometimes and my butt is sore and swollen. Sometimes i try to be strong and i say no to him bit he pins me down and hits me until i say yes. Last night he checked my phone and saw messages from a friend of mine. He got so mad and said i was cheating on him., i tried to explain that he is just a friend but he continued to hit me. He hit me so hard and i couldn't move. I cried so much and he apologised to me and said he was sorry and only did it because he loves him and promised not to do it gain.
    Should i stay with him since he apologised or should i leave him?
     
  2. NatWheeled

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    This man doesn't love you...love doesn't hit, or control, or force. You need to get out n get out now! Do you have a friend you can stay with?
     
  3. the lone wolf

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    With the limited life experience that I possess, I would say that this isn't good for you.
    If this started the moment you moved in, without a reason (there isn't any forgivable reason to begin with) then I doubt it would change anytime soon, and if it happens as frequently as I'm expecting from reading this, the apology wouldn't mean much.
    I'm very sorry that this is happening to you, this is straight up abuse, and it shouldn't be tolerated.
    I don't want to give you any definitive anwser about whether or not you should leave him, but something really needs to change, and if that eventually means leaving him, then it would be for the best.
     
  4. Holly82

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    Dave, you need to leave immediately and not look back. Many people in your situation have stayed with their abuser and paid for it with their lives.

    You are in danger!

    this is not a joke. this is not an overreaction. this is an emergency. Do you understand?
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Get out now. You know this is not a good relationship from the way you titled the thread.

    dave9 I could list all of the things that are wrong with your relationship and it would probably hurt and upset you a great deal to read all of it, suffice to say this a very unhealthy and controlling relationship. If you stay it will do you great harm. Take it from me as someone who is older and wiser than your boyfriend.

    I very rarely offer such direct comment to another member on this forum but I urge you to go. Go now!

    Do not be taken in by apologies or feelings of remorse as that is a key pattern in all abusive relationships. It will not change things. Once this pattern of behaviour is embedded it will continue again and again.

    Please leave.
     
  6. Blossom85

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    I agree with the others.. It is really not a good situation to be in.. No one can make you leave, but I think you need to really think about what is best for yourself. He says he is sorry.. But for how long before he goes back to that same behavior and hurts you again? It is not only physical abuse, but sexual abuse as well. If you say no, then he should respect that and stop straight away.. Being your boyfriend doesn't give him the right to hold you down and hit you till you change your mind and say yes to having sex, that is not right at all.. If it was me, I would be out of there really quickly.. You can see yourself it's not a good situation otherwise you wouldn't have asked for other people's advice, so I think you need to think about yourself.. Go stay with your parents or a friend if you can, but i think you need to take care of yourself now.
     
  7. Silverstein

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    It seems as though you already know that you shouldn't be with this person. The fact that he hits you is disgusting and nobody should have to endure suffering from a person who is meant to make your life better.
     
  8. GrumpyOldLady

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    He sounds extremely dangerous. I urge you not only to get out, but to take steps to protect yourself. If there is a counseling center at your school or a domestic abuse hotline for your area I would suggest contacting them if you're reluctant to talk to your parents about it. They should usually be trained to handle situations like yours, and can help you find the resources that you need.
     
  9. bingostring

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    There's about five "red flags" in your post.

    You need to deal with this. Do you have friends or anyone you can talk it through with ??
     
  10. greatwhale

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    Please read this carefully, I will wager you will recognize this pattern of emotional abuse:

    As all have said above, get out, preferably when he's not there, take your things (or if he's always there, forget your things) and GO! There may be a shelter, or stay with friends or return to your parent's home, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. Do NOT put it off, do NOT wait another day or another moment, you cannot expect him to change his behaviour, he won't. I can guarantee however that if his behaviour does change, it will be for the worse.
     
  11. tulipinacup

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    I don't think I can give you a more solid advice since the above already have given it to you but for your goodness sake if this guy hits you once he will do it again.

    You know what you already need to do and that is to leave him and move on. Please know that he doesn't own you anything. You do not need his permission to hang out with other people to begin with.
     
  12. Others have offered really good advice, so I'm not going to parrot it. All I'm going to say is that you should take care of yourself and get in a better situation as fast as you possibly can. Please do not take this abuse from him. You don't deserve it.
     
  13. Rosepetal

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    Kid u gotta get out now he will not change
     
  14. doglover44

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    You don't need to be around that he dosent love you that's not love you need to leave now before it gets worse you find a better guy that won't treat you like crap
     
  15. Q-Tip

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    Tall tell signs of "get the fuck out of this relationship before he kills you because you sneezed towards someone else".

    ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2014 at 05:23 PM ----------

    ALSO! Stay at friends place or if he does end up trying to find you call cops if it escalates that much. He sounds like the type that would try to hunt you down. Don't accept an apology, no matter what.
     
  16. Chiroptera

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    Get out of there. Now. It is dangerous to stay.
     
  17. lb41974

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    dave9 Please leave you don't need that shit !! He is a abusive person and it will never change !! He may say sorry and he loves you but that is to keep you there thats it I know from seeing it first had my sister lived with a man that was the same way he put her in the hospital multiple times before she finally listen to us and he is now in jail for a long long time for hitting his next wife so hard she was brain dead her family had to finally shut off the machines that kept her breathing I am glad he is in jail maybe they will hurt him a lot !! and i am not a mean person but he is a bad person . So please don't stay there we want you safe !!!
     
  18. MrK21

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    Okay, get out of the relationship now! Domestic violence is not acceptable whether you are gay, straight, bi, pan, black, white, cis, or trans.
     
  19. DarkestDream

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    Abusers DO NOT CHANGE, and they NEVER STOP ABUSING. Get away from this guy NOW.
     
  20. Mystory

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    really really keen and nervous to hear from dave.... tell us how it goes. also make sure you don't leave this tab opened or in places where he could see what you've posted. it's dangerous... update us soon.