Of course this is starting with me saying I have a crush on a straight guy, and of course there's no chance of him feeling the same way about me. We met this summer when we both came to college early to get a head start on classes, and we immediately sought each other out as friends because we are very similar. Fast forward a few months and we are best friends, and I have a pretty major crush on him. I've just been trying to ignore my feelings for him and continue with our friendship, but of course this just made the crush stronger. Yesterday morning we ran into each other in the lobby of the dorm building, and he told me he spent the night with a girl. This made me feel sick to my stomach, and I felt pretty betrayed even though there was no reason to. Then all day yesterday I couldn't even look at him without feeling horrible, and I could hardly sleep last night because of it. I wouldn't text him back when he texted me and he even came to my room to see what was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him. Then I texted him late last night saying that we need to talk today, and that it wouldn't be pleasant. I need to stop liking him, but the only way that I've been able to find is to completely write him off and forget about him. I don't want to do that though, as I really don't want to lose him as a friend, but it kills me to know that he's been with this girl now. What should I tell him when he comes over today? And how can I get over him while still being his friend? Is it even possible? :bang: Please help, I have no idea what to do :tears:
I forgot to mention, he already knows I'm gay and is fine with it. I don't know how he'll feel about me liking him though.
You know the whole "golden" rule thing, right you see a guy > you become friends > you tell him about yourself > you flirt with him a little bit > you tell him how you feel about him ^ This, patent pending © All things aside, you need to have a "clear" head, when you talk to him. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgement as that can make you say/do some pretty weird stuff in the spur of the moment, stuff that could drive him away. Your goal is to at the very least keep him as a friend, and also see if he might perhaps be bi-curious or something? As for getting over him, easiest thing to "do", is crush on someone else... Alternatively, lots of ice-cream. edit: saw your "addition", well then it's easy, just skip to the last two steps. Also, about how he will feel... First thing that would cross his mind (and i guarantee this) is, "wow, he likes me, that's so cool, damn i must be a really good looking person with a great personality". Then he will be somewhat confused... Trick is to not show desperation when talking to him.
It's probably going to save you heartbreak in the long run if you distance yourself from him. If he is straight OR just doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you, it's that better you accept it, forgive it and move on. Confessing your feelings will help to give you piece of mind because you won't have any "what if..", but only do it if you're willing to accept a 'no'. He sounds like a pretty accepting and open minded person so it does seem likely he'll let you down gently. If he doesn't feel the same, let him know that you understand and would prefer to have some space to get over it. From there all you can do is learn to accept it and move forward.
I'm sure he isn't bi-curious, but yes I do want to keep him as a friend. I know what you mean about keeping a clear head, as I have said some pretty stupid stuff to other guys before. I'm worried that I will drive him away just by telling him though, and I'm not sure if I wont drive myself away knowing that he knows... ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2014 at 11:18 AM ---------- I think you are right about the peace of mind that can come from telling him. He is really nice so I don't think he will be terribly rude to me after I tell him. I'm a little concerned about distancing myself from him though, as we are involved in much of the same things so it would likely mean simply not going to events and stuff. At the same time though, I'm not sure I can get over it without the distance.
Yeah I totally relate to this, but just remember distancing yourself doesn't have to mean never seeing or speaking to them again. Take it the pace that feels comfortable to you, if that means ducking out of a few events because you're not ready to be face to face with him then fine. Just keep yourself distracted by friends and other projects and you'll be fine eventually.
I think I'll try this, it certainly seems to be something I can handle. Hopefully he takes it alright and doesn't decide to leave me in the dust because of a little crush. Thanks for helping me with this, it means a lot.
No problem! I'm really glad I could help you. Good luck with it, feel free to come back and post about how it goes - I'd like to know!! All the best.
Ok, so I went to his room to tell him, but couldn't get myself to do it. So I left and came back to my room and sent him this text: Clearly telling you in person isn't going to work, so I'll have to be a jerk and do it through text... I guess the easiest thing to do is just say it, so here goes... Remember that time Leo said he can't be friends with girls because he gets too attached. I guess I'm the same way... And I kinda developed feelings for you. I've been operating under the assumption that I can just ignore it for a while now, but it hasn't been working out so well, and then when you told me about that girl yesterday it kinda crushed me, and I felt really bad all day, hence the rudeness. I felt a bit better today until I saw your chalk board, and it all just came back.. Clearly none of this is your problem, and you're just being a normal guy, but I'm not okay with feeling this way every time I see you, so I think I'm just gonna have to distance myself a bit and hopefully stop feeling this way... Sorry He hasn't texted me back, but I kinda feel like he has a higher chance of reacting badly now.. What do you guys think?
Oh boy, where do i start... It's too long, too "explanatory". You are setting yourself up to be the person who is "at fault", even before your friend actually has a chance to decide this for himself. You are "cutting" him out of all this, leaving him with practically, no choice, even before you had the decency to hear his opinion on the matter. If i were you, i'd get over there now, explain that you were in an emotional state and ask, what he think of this whole thing, and apologize for the text, in person! I mean, come on... what are you expecting him to text, you basically left him no choice...
Well, you're right, after calming down a bit that does seem a bit harsh.. He's in class though, so I can't really go talk to him now. Is there anything I could text him that would help right now, or have I just made a terrible mistake and given up my best friend?
Well, you are good friends, aren't you? I'm guessing he would want to talk to you before he decides anything so... just don't send him more texts. Wait for him to finish class, go to his place, sit and talk. Simple. ^ FYI, his place, so he feels more comfortable in "his" own territory. Oh, by the way... do prepare for the possibility that he hasn't actually yet read the text.
Well, I went to talk to him and it turned out pretty well. He actually told me that he's okay with me liking him, and even told me that he felt flattered. Then we just kinda talked about whatever for a while before he had to go to another class. I still think I'll probably have to distance myself a bit, but its nice to know that he's okay with it. Sek and shinji, you guys definitely helped a ton with this, and I wish I could give you both a big hug, but I guess these will have to do. One for shinji (*hug*). And one for Sek (*hug*). Thanks a bunch.
It's a shame things didn't work out how you might have liked, but this is definitely a good result!! Having closure like this should make getting over it a ton easier. My advice is to you now is to give yourself time to get over your feelings, but I'd definitely consider keeping a friendship going with this guy once you're comfortable enough. Friends as accepting and understanding as this don't come often. All the best!
