Resisting relationship consolidation.

Talk to her about it. Having the big talks is what makes good couples good. "Communication" is key, and that's not bullshit.

 

Why is it okie the way your family handles stuff and not hers?

 

I think you just need to explain in a quite simple way that just because you aren't ready to share accounts with her doesn't mean you are doubting your relationship.. My sister and her husband have been married for three years and I think although they do have a joint bank account, I still think they have their own accounts as well, so there is nothing wrong with it.. She might see it as something more, like a sign you don't want to split other things or share other things if you don't want to share a simple thing like a net flick account.. So I think just reassure her and talk to her in a nice non patronizing way and just show her you do care for her, maybe buy her something like flowers or something they she likes.. Or spend some more time doting on her.. You can still be your own person, but I think she might need reassurance right now.

 

Both you and your GF are being slightly irrational about various points...which is perfectly normal because you're human.

As you say, your relationship is moving past the shiny and new phase (during which it is normal to forgive, overlook, and just plain not be bothered by stuff that will drive you crazy later or would drive you crazy if anyone else did it). You are probably both starting to notice things that bug you about the other. Whether those things (individually or in some combination) are things you can work out a compromise on, learn to tolerate, or can't live with is something you will each have to figure out.

As to the specific issues you raise:

Netflix - my partner and I have been together nearly 18 yrs now and we only have one joint account. That's a bank account that we use for shifting money around for bills and such. Otherwise we each have our own finances, which is much simpler IMO.

Having joint accounts is all very well if you want them but not necessary.

Your GF and her mom - honestly, until/unless you are so much a part of the family that you are calling the woman 'Mom' or at least that level of closeness is implied...this is really none of your business at this stage of your relationship, and you need to stay out of it. If you really feel you MUST address this issue, then come at it from the direction of finding out what the source of the issue between them is (don't be surprised if it's not entirely rational) and then either attempting to address that issue in itself, probably over time, while leaving her mom unmentioned...or working to manage circumstances to try to minimize the chance of a fight developing (or at least you being around to witness it).

Your GF herself - Your GF sounds like she has some insecurities around relationships and how she feels they 'should' operate. As such, she gets bothered when you show resistance to following the script she has in her head for that. Whether those insecurities stem from a past relationship or even the same source as her issues with her mom...is probably something that will take time for you to determine, if you want to.

Your desire to remain independent - if you just got out on your own, this makes perfect sense. It's natural to want to build your own life and enjoy being your own person as an adult. It's also natural to want to eventually join with another person as you move forward with life. The question becomes when are you ready to do that and are you on the same 'schedule' as the other person? The other (bigger) question is whether or not the other person is the one you want to join with in the first place. There are a number of reasons why the one year mark is considered a milestone in a relationship. One of them is that it is at or just before that point that a lot of relationships end.

Ultimately, you both are approaching a go/no go point in your relationship. A time to really look at your relationship (with all its good and bad points) and decide if you want to continue it (which may involve some work and compromise), or not.

Hope this helps,

Todd