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Difficult to say nothing to my parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by One Man Army, Oct 10, 2014.

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  1. One Man Army

    One Man Army
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    Hi, me again.

    So tomorrow is Coming Out Day, and I plan to message two of my close friends who I am certain will be accepting. That's good :icon_bigg

    I am also living at home with my parents, who are quite anti-gay, chiefly because of their Evangelical Christian views. That's bad :icon_sad:

    I know for a fact that both of my parents were hugely disappointed when gay marriage was brought in, and they'd like to see it disbanded again. They have no love for gay people which is a shame because I'm their only son, and I'm gay.

    Now I love both of my parents dearly but I am feeling constantly anxious because telling them I'm gay while living with them would be a big mistake (probably.) Yet I'm having to just shut up and say nothing when they talk about how bad gay marriage is, etc. etc. This is making me feel pretty low if I'm honest.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Do you think I should move out as soon as possible? I am employed but not earning much, and I want to save money...

    This situation sucks and I feel lost, with very few real-life people to talk to about it.
     
    #1 One Man Army, Oct 10, 2014
  2. rhapsodic

    rhapsodic
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    Personally, I think you shouldn't be around people who make you think lowly of yourself, even if they're your parents. It's not healthy for you.

    If you're genuinely sure that they won't treat you well and accept if you come out to them, then you should probably move.
     
    #2 rhapsodic, Oct 10, 2014
  3. resu

    resu
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    I completely agree. You can still love them, but you don't have to tolerate their hatred. You're a young man and should be with friends. I planned to never live with my parents after leaving for grad school, and coming back has made me very worried about getting back into this quicksand.
     
    #3 resu, Oct 10, 2014
  4. Monraffe

    Monraffe
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    I think anyone your age should consider moving out on their own and this situation gives you all the more reason. Your freedom and self respect are worth more than money.
     
    #4 Monraffe, Oct 10, 2014
  5. thekillingmoon

    thekillingmoon
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    I have homophobic parents too. You don't have to tell them if you don't feel it's the right time and that it would make your living situation worse. You could still try to defend gay people when they start talking crap about them and tell them they're wrong thinking like that. I wouldn't count on them changing their views though. I tried arguing with my mother once when she said gays are sick and shouldn't adopt children and she said I was dumb and didn't understand anything. So I don't bother anymore.
     
    #5 thekillingmoon, Oct 11, 2014
  6. AKTodd

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    I would say move out as soon as possible, but in this case ASAP needs to include being financially able to support yourself while not living with them. If that means saving up X amount of money, then make saving that much a major goal and work toward it relentlessly. If it means getting more hours, or a higher paying job or finding gay friendly housemates to split the cost of rent with, or whatever...make those things goals, figure out a realistic plan to reach those goals in a realistic time frame and make it happen.

    Basically, don't just sit around hoping things will change. Get up and change things.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
    #6 AKTodd, Oct 11, 2014
  7. One Man Army

    One Man Army
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    God yes, you're all right. Everything you've said has confirmed what I've been thinking, to be honest.

    AKTodd, yeah I do need to get up and change things. Finding a permanent job is high on my priority list; then I know I could definitely afford rent as well as living expenses.

    It's difficult because I've always been close to my parents, and just today they said they'll always support me. But who knows what they'd say if I dropped the G-bomb on them, lol.
     
    #7 One Man Army, Oct 11, 2014
  8. ThePrideInside4

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    Well, I'm in a similar situation.
    My stepfather is SUPER homophobic. I suggest you tell them after you save enough money to move out.
     
    #8 ThePrideInside4, Oct 11, 2014
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