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You Beautiful Jerk (A rant-filled letter)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GreyRose, Oct 10, 2014.

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  1. GreyRose

    GreyRose
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    Dear You Know Who You Are,
    Why would you do this to me? You don't even realize it, do you? Every day we see each other, speak to each other, and laugh with one another. We bring up our little inside jokes that we're forming and smile about them. We sit together each Friday when everyone in our group gathers to speak about the school.

    Still, you have no idea how long I've wanted to be with you, how long I've obsessed over you. You don't even know. I try to be extra nice, to put on a facade just to please you. I even wore a bit of makeup today, and everyone (including you) knows how much I hate that crap. You didn't even notice. You, in fact, interacted with me less than usual. All you wanted to do was work on that stupid comic (which I retrieved the black pen from another teacher for you) that wasn't even due for a few days. It was already pretty much done...

    Do you know how horrible it is getting headaches and strange, teenagerish feelings for someone who doesn't think of you as more than a friend? You're tearing my tediously built mental filters into mush, you beautiful jerk, you. These things that I think don't even make sense to me anymore... Why won't you GET out of my head for two seconds? Please? I can tell that you don't even have the slightest feeling of attraction for me, I can tell. Why can't I just give up? AGH. Every time I try, you act even nicer and rip away all rationality.

    I don't want sympathy. I don't want advice. I want to take these stupid feelings and put them somewhere; to have someone else hear my thoughts other than myself. And, if you made it this far, go you. That's all I wanted. Now, excuse me while I crawl back into my dark crevice of, "What is even happening anymore?"
     
    #1 GreyRose, Oct 10, 2014
    Jordan0130 likes this.
  2. Blossom85

    Blossom85
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    Just wanted to let you know I read your post and thinking of you.. Big hugs to you sweetie (*hug*)
     
    #2 Blossom85, Oct 10, 2014
  3. rhapsodic

    rhapsodic
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    This seems tough (*hug*)
     
    #3 rhapsodic, Oct 11, 2014
  4. GreyRose

    GreyRose
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    @Blossom85 I appreciate it, thank you.

    @Mariaaa It is.
     
    #4 GreyRose, Oct 12, 2014
  5. ravenclaw

    ravenclaw
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    I felt exactly the same way towards a guy when I was in 6-7th grade. (Although, now that we're in different schools he doesn't cross my mind often). I know exactly how you feel and while I don't have any advice that you haven't already thought of, I wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
     
    #5 ravenclaw, Oct 12, 2014
  6. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Many of us have had a very similar experience. Taking it further, in my case, my relationship back in High School actually involved into a more intimate relationship. At first I thought it was love; but it turned into a complete disaster. Neither one of us were actually ready for the relationship, it was incredibly intense, and became unhealthy. On retrospect what I thought was love was more like infatuation.

    As I mentioned in another post, we both went our separate ways and lost touch for 20 years; and I always had reflected on the relationship and wondered what would have been had we made it work.

    Somehow we both got back in touch with each other with in the past year. Seeing where he is in his life and what my life has become has helped me come to terms with the prior relationship and recognize that we were actually not right for each other.

    It was bitter sweet seeing him again; and a relationship I can now look back upon as a unique life experience.
     
    #6 OnTheHighway, Oct 13, 2014
  7. GreyRose

    GreyRose
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    That's interesting; thank you for mentioning this.
     
    #7 GreyRose, Oct 13, 2014
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