So my girlfriend broke up with her longterm ex (3.5 years) 5 months ago, we started dating 3 months ago. I know this is a very short time and I have we have talked about her ex and everything. So, her family is VERY religious and coming out right now is not really an option. She kind of cheated on me, started dealing with this guy, and I found out and called her out on it. Her excuse is that she needs a front, someone that shes pretending to date to make her look straight. I dont understand why she cant just be single..but anyways, she broke it off with this guy now. The only thing is that she asked me if it was ok for her to have a front, she is full on gay and has no feelings for guys. I am very uncomfortable with this but she says she is very sad without one. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any advice.
Personally, I do not think so. I made it through 26 years of my life and nobody suspected a thing (coming from a religious family). I was able to bury myself in work and clubs in school, and full-time employment during college. However, I was not trying to hide a relationship, I legit was single. Maybe she feels she needs the front because she is in a relationship? I don't know her or you, but being honest and communicating that you feel it unnecessary for her to have a front (at least a relationship) and it is hurting you. If she does not want to tell her religious family (been there, STILL there) than she should at least be honest with you and not try to hide you behind a straight relationship. If she is hiding behind anything (again, this is just my opinion, I am no therapist, just a guy on a computer in montana) she should just be hiding behind herself, with you there. My 2 1/2 cents
From the way this sounds, I don't know why she couldn't just stay single either. You don't NEED a front, really...not when nobody suspects anything. 'very sad without one'...why would she be sad...she has YOU. I agree with Glenn on this one...let her know that idea would hurt you. If she has a problem with that, then maybe she needs to think about what she really wants.
4 years ago I was in a relationship with a girl for a couple of months. She's a lesbian and fully out. I wasn't out to ANYONE and came from a very religious family. I was terrified of anyone finding out about us and it completely ruined our relationship. It took me another 3 years to become comfortable with my sexuality. Being in the place I am now, emotionally, it's hard for me to think about how I threw that relationship away because of fear and insecurity. I think it will be very hard for you two to maintain a healthy relationship at the place she's in right now. I think you have every right, when you love someone (or have strong enough feelings for them to be in a monogamous relationship with them) to want to be known publicly as your girlfriend's partner. For her to have a "front" is almost a slap in the face to you and I would be feeling the same way you're feeling about it. For her sake, I really hope she can come to terms with who she is and learn to be confident enough in that person to allow her family to know her. I think the best thing you could encourage her to do would be to go to therapy.
