I'm a liar that couldn't quit that wants to be a normal (gay) guy!

TL;DR at the bottom

Backstory ~ I grew up in a red state/county in an extremely right-wing home. I went to church every sunday, monday, and wednesday and did enjoy it at the time. I was the kid that liked going to church, the singing, fellowship, it was all a good time for me.

Once I started to figure out what I was *I say it like that, because at the time I was disgusted with myself - I will skip the very dark stuff, as this is not what this post is about*
I constructed a wall of lies and acting to hide who I was, even from myself.

In my high school years, it only got better, I put on the purity face, church groups in school, the works. I got so good at lying that I was not always sure if I was telling the truth or not.

Now, here I am, 26, and I have finally come to terms with myself (we are talking like, less than two month I finally gave myself my personal stamp of approval). This is me, take it or leave it.

My only problem, is I don't really know who I am. I bury myself in working 70+ hours a week and spend my spare time alone either going for walks or netflix marathon watching, or other mindless activities. Bit of an introvert I suppose.

Incoming reason for the post ~ I have been talking to a guy, pretty much since I came to terms with myself. We haven't met or anything, but I always look forward to our conversations/texts. I feel like he does as well, because he usually starts them. Nothing super deep yet (touched on out status, he is open, as to me being just inches out of the closet). Drive the same types of vehicles, both enjoy hikes, etc. I have not told him any untruths (seriously, lying for a good 16 years, being able to openly tell someone the truth is so nice and not exhausting in any comparison) because it has been mostly "I like this, enjoy doing this" types of conversations. My fear, is that if (hopefully we do) we continue talking on a regular basis, and the conversations to get more in depth about each other...I may not answer truthfully, or be able to do so based on that very recently wrecked wall of lies.

I am not entirely sure I will be able to discern my lies from my truths of my past (I was in an extremely dark and bad place in college), and so far we seem pretty damn compatible, if nothing else as good friends. Would hate to fuck that up.
I mean, (when the time comes) do I just tell him that during my past I felt like I had to lie a lot and I am uncertain of events in my own past? and how is that going to look if we DO want to go further..."Oh baby, I get to be in a relationship with someone that made his entire past one great lie and doesn't know what is real and what isn't.

Making a TL;DR because, this went way longer than what I had planned

TL;DR - I have spent my entire life lying, not just about my sexuality, but everything in my life, it became an addiction. I have met a great guy, and am afraid that I won't be able (out of habit/fear) to tell him the truth, partially because I may not even know the truth myself. :bang::help:

 

Thank you for your response, I suppose I shall have to buck-up and be honest...(thankfully the thought of that does not frighten me, with him) about my fears. Definitely apprehensive about the whole thing, although I think I am looking forward to being able to have that conversation.