so, i have a question. i am not out at all, but i want to date/ explore my sexual desires. i still live at home with my parents, and i don't want to bring anyone around because of that. i met a guy online, and we have really been hitting it off. its still early, and i cant say were dating or anything, but i could definitely see us becoming a couple. a few questions i have are: 1. is it fair to him for me not to be out? (i haven told him im not out... and nether has he really, but this is more of a if he is out scenario) 2. he lives about an hour away, so it would be a little long'ish distance relationship, so how could i go and see him without my parents being suspicious.... yes im 20 but i still have an honest relationship with my parents. if he lived around where i had friends in college at i would get away with it, but he is in the opposite direction, and i could just see my car braking down or something and having to call them.. and im not where i said i was going. that would be hard to explain. 3. i like him allot, and want to date him, but what if i meet up with him, and my emotions are not what they seemed to be... like i find out im not gay. that's my biggest fear! i am pretty sure im gay, and i know its what i feel on the inside... but i cant shake the doubt. i have never had a kiss with a guy or girl or anything for that mater, so yes im a little scared that when i get to that point where we kiss or anything that i will feel nothing. so anyone have any advice for me?
I share this problem because I don't think my sexuality is everyone's business and I think that who I prefer sleeping with should just be between me and those people. With online dating being bigger than ever, it's pretty easy to get around having to come out to everyone but still being able to date. You should probably bring up out statuses in a conversation to see how he feels about it, but since he's been through the closet experience he should respect you IMO. About seeing him without your parents being suspicious, just say he's a friend until you feel comfortable enough to say otherwise. That would pretty much cover all the problems you might encounter if you had to explain where you were going - "I'm just going to see a friend" would work fine. If you're having doubts about your sexuality, again I'd probably say communication would be best here. It sounds like you've got paranoid thoughts and they rarely reflect reality so I'm sure you'll be fine if you're interested in him. If you bring up first kisses/first experiences in conversation, it will give you an opportunity to explain how you're slightly nervous/anxious/etc - just reassure him that it's a personal thing, don't make him worry that you're worried you won't feel anything when you kiss him in particular.
As long as you are honest to the other person about your circumstances and you're on track to progress in coming out, then it's okay to date. But remember you don't want your only gay experiences to be romantic. It's helpful if you find just gay friends to hang out with. I'm pretty sure by 20 you do know your sexuality pretty well. You don't need to kiss anyone to know it (no matter how much my mom tells me the opposite).
