Jealousy

This is more of a rant than anything else, but feel free to respond.

I think I should preface this by saying that I've never thought of myself as a very jealous person. Ever since the end of tenth grade, I've had an on and off crush on a friend (I'll call her M) who is also a lesbian. We were pretty close that year, and then last year I thought she hated me because I wasn't friends with someone she was friends with. This year, we've become friends again, but we're not as close as we were before.

Anyway, I've developed feelings for her again, and they're driving me up the wall. Last year, another of our friends had a crush on her, and I supported that friend because I knew I'd never tell M I liked her (I also thought that M wouldn't like this friend). This year, M is friends with a girl I used to consider a good friend who started treating me pretty badly. M really likes this girl, and every time I see them together, I get crazy jealous. I feel like I have no right to be so upset because M and I aren't super close or anything, but I really like her. I also feel bad because M's mom died a couple months ago, so I feel like I should be happy that somebody is making her happy.

The problem is that I can't shake the idea that this other girl is using M for rides and stuff. After she started treating me like crap, I stopped driving her home, and she and M got pretty close soon after. M drives her around a lot now, but she ignores M when other people are around. M and I both know that this girl is straight (though she's very affectionate and admiring of other women), so I honestly can't tell if M has a crush on her or if she considers her to be a really good friend. Either way, I get super annoyed when they're together, and I get annoyed when M asks me where the other girl is. The only time I'm happy with the situation is when M talks to me over other people when the other girl's not around, but I feel crappy at the same time because I know I'm not her first choice.

Ugh, sorry for this lame mess. I'm just really frustrated with myself because I want to move on, but it's been proving very difficult. Feel free to share your own stories or vent, I'm not sure there's any advice to be given for this situation.

 

I'm in a similar situation myself, being interested in a friend who goes on to like other people is never easy. I don't really have any advice, but it gets better... Or at least that's what everyone says.

 

This is great advice, and I keep trying to tell myself that jealousy isn't very healthy. But whenever I see them together, I get so jealous that it pushes those thoughts out of the way. I've been trying to avoid M, or at least the two of them together, but it's difficult when they're together before and during marching band practice. I also feel like my crush will no longer be a crush and become straight up jealousy if I remain jealous for so long, and I don't want to give her the wrong idea or anything. I'd like to remain her friend above everything else.

To answer your question, I've never told her I like her, but she may have figured it out. I've been acting really weird around her this year, though, so she may think that I don't want to be her friend. I really have no idea what's going on in her head most of the time. She's a very hard book to read.

I hope your situation improves as well, and feel free to talk to me if you need to! Sometimes it's nice to just vent and get it all out there.