1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How/When to ask out a guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Zapkat22, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. Zapkat22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2014
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So there is this guy I like in one of my classes and he is pretty cute but not completely out of my league or anything. I know he's gay and we are both out so its not like there are any barriers like that or anything. We have some mutual friends but we have never hung out. We haven't even talked casually. The only time we've spoken is when we were working on group projects. He sits a row in front of me and slightly to the left but seating is variable in that class. But over the last couple classes people have been sitting in the same seats so I don't know if I want to disrupt that.

    Now I've snooped a little and found some stuff out about him. He is a year older than me and is more "experienced" than I am. I don't want to say slut but he's quick to hook up according to my friend. He's uses hook up apps quite a bit from what my friend has said and from what I've seen in class. Hooking up is not really my cup of tea, I mean I've done it before, but I prefer sex to mean something and having an emotional connection to the person feels better to me. He has been in a relationship before but not recently.

    I've never dated a guy. I've never asked nor been asked out so I am looking for tips.

    How do I get to know him better?

    Should I just start talking to him (If so How do I start doing that) or should I find some reason to message him on facebook and go from there.

    How can I tell if he's interested?

    If things are going well at what point do I ask him to hang out?

    How do I avoid just hooking up with him?

    Should I give him hints or just be blunt? How do I even know he knows I'm gay (I often have to tell people because they don't suspect it.)

    Oh yeah, and how do I flirt? :eusa_doh:
     
  2. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If he's hooking up frequently, he may have some emotional issues to deal with that make him a hard nut to crack if you want a long relationship.

    You can just try talking to him about something in your class, then just be friendly and try to work toward seeing him one-on-one, maybe studying or just lunch. However, since you're both out, then it may be easier to go quickly and just try to ask to hang out or go on a date. He's probably comfortable with guys approaching him if he's into short hookups.

    If you're not uncomfortable hooking up or having sex with a (virtual) stranger, then just be honest with him that you just want to date first. Ultimately, you do have to let yourself be vulnerable to the risk of rejection, but don't be disheartened. Love doesn't need to be a race. Those who are in the most satisfactory relationships are ones who first focus on their own happiness and get their lives in order first.

    IMO, the best flirting is being honest and sincere in your compliments. This guy may have experience with hookups, but he may be wanting something more substantial.
     
  3. Will2M

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2012
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle
    ^

    All this is good. In terms of talking to him, literally just approach him and introduce yourself or ask a simple question. If he knows your name then make a conscious effort to try to talk to him more. Maybe try to compliment him or ask him about some random sports game that happened at your school recently. Be ready to have another question to continue the conversation though.

    Do you have other classes with him? That could help too. Maybe ask for him to help with HW, "hey could we get together and study sometime? I am confused about this."

    There are tons of ways you can just talk to him and then if he is still as cool as you think he is then you could progress from there and eventually ask him out.

    Hook ups are not my cup of tea either so you just have to be honest about it. If it gets that far, just tell him you aren't experienced and you want to go slow.

    As Resu said though, be prepared for rejection. The hook up types generally aren't patient and if he doesn't want to go slow then he is too shallow anyway.

    But not to end on a negative note! You should definitely approach him and start talking more. Knowing he is gay helps sooooo much. Good luck and let us know what happens!