About three years ago I befriended a guy with whom I fell madly in love. I was about to tell him how I felt one day, but I received a "sign" telling me not to and I held my tongue. It was not long after that he started dating a mutual friend of ours who is a girl. After about a year of me being the tag-along third wheel in their relationship, I moved to a new city with the intention of moving back in a year. I told them both while in my new place I was thinking about not going back, and he wrote me a facebook message shortly thereafter saying he loved me. I wanted to say it back, but I knew his gf would see it so I replied a very stand-offish "thanks man, I love you too, you and (name of his gf)." I believe he was about to break up with her at that time, but then they didn't and I was left out in the cold yet again. She also found out about what he wrote to me, and she became paranoid and controlling. I ended up moving back as I had initially planned, and they were both trying to hang out with me all the time and make me their third wheel all over again like nothing had changed and everything was groovy. Because I was sick of being their third wheel, I had to cut them off from my life. I still see her and talk to her occasionally, but no contact anymore with him. I really loved him, but the whole thing hurt a lot. Also, I don't know what he's thinking but to this day he's (in my opinion) just stringing her along and probably isn't that happy (they don't have sex, btw). Sometimes I wonder if I had just said I love you back to him maybe we would be together now, but then would I even want to be with him considering how shifty and two-faced he's been through this whole thing? Then again I know how hard coming out is, seeing as how I'm still trying to come out to myself, much less to the people around me.
I should add that I had told him before that I was bi and asked him if he was too but he denied that he was. That happened fairly soon after we initially became friends. I told him that because I was crushing on him really hard and was hoping he would reciprocate.
Tough situation, man.. It sounds like you were really interested in him. You said that you held back and didn't say that you loved him back out of fear. Does he know how you feel? It seems like the decision is ultimately in his hands since he's the one currently in a relationship. If you're comfortable enough doing it, find a way to talk to him one on one where his girlfriend can't intervene or won't catch wind of it and explain how you feel/what you're hoping for. This will put the ball in his court which would probably be best, because he has to be the one to either stay with her or end it and be with you.
Thanks for the reply. I've considered that, but at this point I don't know if my heart is really in it 100% anymore, and no matter how I said anything to him it would get back to his gf somehow (she's like the gestapo secret police, I swear). I think that's part of my problem with him, though, is that even if he doesn't love this girl he's sticking around because he's either too scared or too comfortable to change anything. This is just convincing me more and more that it's better to just move on and find someone else. Thanks for the feedback.
