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I want to help, but not push it...advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Nemo39122, Oct 14, 2014.

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  1. Nemo39122

    Nemo39122
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    Sorry this is kind of a rant, part of it is just feeling like I needed to talk but there's some actual questions in there...somewhere...

    So the simplified question is, I have a really close friend that may be starting to question her gender identity. Being trans myself and her being the main person I talk to about it and go to when I'm not ok, I really want to help any way I can. But I don't want to push it if she's not ready to deal with it, especially if it turns out to not be a big deal.

    Now, the longer version :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    We were talking on Skype earlier and she mentioned that her wife asked her a weird question the night before. Apparently her wife had mentioned that she used to wear some girl clothes but now doesn't at all, and then asked if she's comfortable in her body. She told me that she isn't, and that she honestly can't understand what I call "skin crawling" (dysphoria), but she's never really been comfortable with herself.

    She's completely open about being gay and pretty much dresses and acts however she wants without caring what others think (which is awesome, lol). Honestly the only thing keeping her from passing as a guy is the boobs, lol. What I guess sets off the "red flags" to me is when I asked her questions like why she's not comfortable with herself, why she tries not to think about it, if she's afraid to think about it...because I tried not to think about it too.

    Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? I really don't want to push it if it turns out to be nothing, or if she's not ready to really talk...but if she actually is starting to figure something out about herself, I want to do everything I can to make it easier. I spiraled into a really dark place while figuring myself out, and I don't want her to have to go through that. :icon_sad: (Actually, I was in that really dark place when we met. She's the reason I'm still here.)
    So, what would you do in this situation? And if you've dealt with anything similar, what did you do and how did it turn out? Thanks for any advice...and for reading my long boring post lol
     
    #1 Nemo39122, Oct 14, 2014
  2. jay777

    jay777
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    Transgender is a spectrum... its her choice where on the spectrum, and if, she wants to be...

    The transgender spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, etc.
    Of course the list is not all possible options.
    It's up to her to collect further information...
    She might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what she wants.
     
    #2 jay777, Oct 17, 2014
  3. meme66

    meme66
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    Just simply put it out there. Who else would be the more perfect person to lay her burdens on than you. Let her know with no uncertain terms that you are there for her. Dont push her to talk about the issue if she isnt ready. Just let her know when she is ready she can. Once she is comfortable enough to talk to you, maybe you could accompany her to a psycologist. Make it a together thing so she doesnt feel awkward or spot lighted. But be a friend. There is nothing like having someone to talk to who isnt pressuring you to talk.
     
    #3 meme66, Oct 21, 2014
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