1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I talk to her now?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by littlered4517, Oct 14, 2014.

  1. littlered4517

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I recently accepted the fact that I'm gay. I confessed my feelings to a female coworker last week. She's also gay and about 18 yrs older. She told me she was fine with what i said and not to feel uncomfortable around her but that because she was older, my feelings were new and since she had just got out of a relationship she didn't want me to fall for her and end up getting hurt if things didn't work out. She said she likes me a lot and she's always called me pretty and sweet but I think the age factor is what's weighing on her mind the most. And the fact that she's more experienced than me. I'm actually a virgin.

    Well we finally started texting again and liking and commenting on each others posts on Facebook but I can tell there's still this awkward wall there. Our texts are so bland & rigid now when it used to be relaxed and flirty. She has also battled pneumonia for a little over a week and is just now getting better. But I just feel like I can't get past this wall. I'm watching everything I say and do because I don't want her to think I'm being clingy but I also don't want her to think I'm trying to keep a distance.

    Please, any advice for how I can get us back to talking like we used to? I want to send her a text that kind of eases into "us" but I don't know if that would be the right thing to do
     
  2. EbonyDazed

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2014
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    The age gap could very well be the thing that makes her feel uncomfortable about being in a relationship with you. It's perfectly understandable for someone who is so much older then you to be fearful of a relationship.

    Things sound pretty heated right now, I would let them die down, back off for a while and just let the chips fall where they may.

    Let the smoke clear, space can sometimes help and would give you a change to meet someone else.
     
  3. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    I'm not sure if a joke about her age would go over well but if you deliver it correctly, it might break the tension. You could offer the get her some chicken noodle soup because your granny likes it when she's sick. Don't get it for her, just offer and then if she says she'd like it, then you can get it for her.
    It sounds like it's just a period of uncomfortableness that should and can pass. I think if you can joke about things and put aside the serious stuff for a bit, you will be able to resume your previous camaraderie.
    From what you say, she honestly sounds like she's fine with you. I think you're just feeling a bit embarrassed and so tentative about how you talk to her. Just relax and don't over think it. We tend to invent a lot of things in our head which aren't actually happening. You'll be fine.
    Good luck!
     
  4. littlered4517

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Well overthinking I'm good at it and I think it may have just made things worse. I sent her a text thanking her for talking to me the other night about everything and easing my mind and that I'd been meaning to thank her but just kept forgetting to and I knew she felt bad. (We had talked on the phone for about 20 minutes about it all one day but that was the only time) well after about a half hour went by I got nervous thinking that screwed things up (overthinking as usual) and I sent another text saying "sorry scratch that last text didn't mean to bring it up again. See I'm getting really bad about blurting things out. Losing my filter apparently" and then I attached a smiley face. Now she could have just gone to bed and that's why she didn't respond but now I'm thinking I made things worse
     
  5. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Ok. It might be time for no more "talking" from you. Give her time. More than you think you can stand. Let her initiate the next exchange.
    If you feel the need to say something to her, just write it on paper and keep it to yourself. I say paper so you don't have a digital copy which would be too easy to send to her. You might find that writing things down will actually let you process things a bit better anyway. Don't worry about how she might respond. This is just for you to work on calming down your brain.
    Oh, and when she does contact you, count to ten and then count to ten again. Try to keep any response light and fret-free.
    You can do it.
     
  6. littlered4517

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Lol yes no more talking from me. She wrote me back this morning and said sorry girl I fell asleep and again its fine. I replied that's OK and good makes me feel better and then I tried joking around about how I have the Taurus curse of overthinking. She didn't respond until a few hrs later and she wanted to know how my toe was doing--a recent injury--and if I was soaking it like she told me to do. I kept my responses short and casual but she never replied to my last one when I asked if she was able to talk better. In my news feed on fb I saw where she had posted a quote about how you know you're in love when the person keeps hurting you and you keep forgiving them hoping they will change. So my thinking is that she's still in love with the woman that just broke up with her after 2 yrs--a sudden text message by the way to tell her that she was going to live a swingers life--so I guess me confessing my feelings not too long after that didn't exactly help her. Like I said I didn't mean to do that. Plus her being sick with pneumonia at the same time. I'm not going to text her anymore. Gonna let her initiate it. I just wish I could figure out a way to joke around flirtatiously with her like we used to. I mean that was all we did in our texts. Unless now she's afraid it'll send a mixed message. I think she's just as nervous and unsure as I am. I just wish I knew if she felt the same way about me
     
  7. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Well.... If you can manage to behave like you're cool with the facts as you know them and just let her do the initiating and she turns out to feel similarly towards you, she will show her hand. But I fear you're going to have to let her come to that conclusion herself.
    Maybe stop looking at her fb for a bit. Give it 10 days and then you can look again.
    Concentrate on something else to take your mind of this situation. There's more to you than this, surely. ;}
     
  8. littlered4517

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Yes there's more to me than this just never been in love before but I'm going to be patient