You know those times when you imagine your future, you see someone special and just let yourself dream? Well, about a month ago I met a girl and I can tell she's special, I think I can live those dreams with her. The thing is I cannot for the life of me stop comparing her to a woman (she was older than me) that I loved very much. Three days ago she called me by a name my 'ex' used to call me and I just melted. Not for her, but because she reminded of my ex so much. It's unfair to this girl, she's been great to me, and overall it's unfair to myself because at this rate I will never have a relationship. How would you get rid of those thoughts and actually give someone new a chance? Plus, it's a fact that my ex and I are completely over. Thank you in advance.
How did your relationship with your ex end? Was it your choice, her choice? Did it end on good terms or bad terms? It's normal to look back on relationships that weren't ended by your choice OR that didn't end badly through rose-tinted glasses, and see the better parts without the worse parts. It might be the case that you're thinking too compassionately about your ex, perhaps because your current relationship lacks something that she was able to provide. You said you and your ex were completely over so I assume getting back together is not an option altogether. Ask yourself: are you happy in your current relationship? Don't measure that by comparison to another relationship that is off-limits because that's an unhealthy way of thinking; instead, question whether you're getting what you need from your current relationship. Focus on whether you entered it for the right reasons. It might, however, just be a phase since you're only a month in to your relationship. For now, I'd recommend do your best to forget about your previous relationships and consider what makes you happy in your current relationship. You said you think she's special and you could live your dream with them, so spend some time thinking about all the things that made you interested in her to begin with. Spending a little extra time around her would help this process. :eusa_ange
