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'Space' in a relationship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ClosetNixie, Oct 15, 2014.

  1. ClosetNixie

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    "nobody who ever loved anybody has said 'I need space', it doesn't work, they break up, it's not love if they need space"- iijerichoii 'Mianite ep. 104 2014'

    What are people's thoughts on the above quote?

    I totally agree with giving each other space within a relationship, to go out separately with friends etc, but what about breaking up over this elusive 'space'?

    For more detail, please see my recent blog "It's about time!!"

    Until next time...
     
  2. Blossom85

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    That is an interesting question.. I think 'Space' in relation to taking a break from a relationship would indicate that he needs to think about if being with you in a committed relationship is really want he wants and he can't think of that if he is still with you. He might need time away from you to figure that out.. Wether it is a good or bad thing, I don't know..
     
  3. Sek

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    It's human nature to take things that are readily available for granted. It's completely true when they say "distance makes the heart grow fonder". We need space and time away to appreciate a relationship.
     
  4. NatWheeled

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    OK there's two kinds of space.

    There's the I need some space so I can think bout things.....this often ends in breakup

    Then there's just needing space to breathe. Some people get clingy and possessive, wanting a play by play of every move their significant other makes. Who they're out with? Where they're at? Its important for a person involved in a relationship to have their interests n friends...but its a balancing act. I'm not gonna go hunting, but my girl may go out hunting with some friends. Its about trust. If you trust your partner you won't mind if they stop over at a friends place for a few to say hi or check in on em on their way home from work. But the balance, your partner would tell you they were stopping, wouldn't want you to worry bout em...and wouldn't ever want you to feel like they were trying to leave you out.
     
  5. resu

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    I think that quote is overly simplistic. Sometimes people do need space because they aren't just dealing with one issue at a time. Even breaking up is just an extended form of "space". I agree that trust and honesty are the biggest factors.

    I like this quote: I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me. I think it means that each person works on being the best they can be for the benefit of the other, and that can definitely include getting some space and being alone. There's an interesting statistic I read saying that couples who remarry often have much longer second marriages.
     
  6. resu

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    I think that quote is overly simplistic. Sometimes people do need space because they aren't just dealing with one issue at a time. Even breaking up is just an extended form of "space". I agree that trust and honesty are the biggest factors.

    I like this quote: I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me. I think it means that each person works on being the best they can be for the benefit of the other, and that can definitely include getting some space and being alone. There's an interesting statistic I read saying that couples who remarry often have much longer second marriages.
     
  7. PurpleGrey

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    This concept is confusing to me. I just don't see what distancing yourself would accomplish. Or maybe I just don't understand this?

    What I picture is one person saying, "I'm leaving you so I can think about stuff!"
    And the other person says, "How exactly does being with me prevent you from thinking about stuff?"
    And the first one replies, "I can't hear you! Trololololo!"

    Something like that.
     
  8. Argentwing

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    I am a card-carrying introvert who would draw blood for some alone time. I love my gf very much, but could not feel alive until I had a little bit of space every now and then.

    If somebody says "I need space" to mean taking a break, it could just mean his love needs to develop. There is still a chance it could.
     
    #8 Argentwing, Oct 15, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2014
  9. resu

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    ^Very true. I am also a big introvert, and extroverts need to learn that alone time is very precious for us to recharge our "social batteries".
     
  10. zzzero

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    This is why my 3 year relationship with my ex ended. He needed space. He was feeling trapped in the relationship and needed to get some perspective on his life and figure out what he wants. It has become painfully clear to me since the break that he isn't going to come back to me ever, no matter what, even though he refused to speak in absolutes when we broke up.

    I understand that people sometimes need some space in a relationship, but often when someone says "I need some space" what they mean is "I don't want to be around you anymore." I get the impression that my ex fell out of love with me and didn't know how to handle it. My heart has been shattered in to thousands of pieces and I think about him every day still. The lesson I learned is that I personally need to be with someone who is willing to communicate and work things out instead of trying to find time to work things out on their own.

    The whole "space" issue depends on the person and the situation, but generally I think people fall into one of two groups: People who need alone time and an individual life of their own, and people who don't really need alone time and really enjoy sharing everything with their partner. (I'm a member of the latter, my ex was clearly a member of the former. It can't work because we don't handle issues the same way.)
     
  11. Fallingdown7

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    Like others have said, there are different meanings of the word. Generally, it tends to mean that they're questioning the relationship and may not want to be in it anymore, which I guess could make sense with the quote. The other reason someone might say this is if their partner is too clingy and they want more alone time, but aren't really going to give up the relationship. So it depends on context.
     
  12. Chip

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    There are people who need alone time in order to rejuvenate and to function well.

    And there are people who feel smothered (either because relationships are scary, or because they are with a clingy partner) who need space.

    The first type is pretty normal and healthy in any relationship.

    The second type la a near-guarantee of a relationship that isn't working, or won't work in the long term.
     
  13. ClosetNixie

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    Within the relationship, there was a lot of 'space', both physically and emotionally. We live in separate places and work different hours, so there was a lot of space for us to have alone time if needed.

    When we were together (especially towards the "end" of the relationship) I did get the impression that he didn't enjoy being with me. We didn't laugh like we used to, sex and intimacy just didn't exist and he often told secrets and lies. Then he hit me with the "we need space" bomb.

    Personally I don't see how much more space we could have! Well, until now.

    He is also refusing to speak in absolutes "maybe just a month or so", and being a typical person, my mind is running wild! Is there someone else? Has there been someone else? He added a girl as a friend on Facebook, is it her? Was it me?

    It's a stupid situation because I think he doesn't realise the impact that saying 'I need space' can actually have. It's like saying 'we need to talk'... It never ends well.
     
  14. AAASAS

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    I 100% agree, if you loved someone you would want to stay and really try to tackle the problems. Taking a break is giving up, and giving up is a sign of no longer being in love, and can even indicate they were never in love in the first place.

    I would stick with anyone through their tough times and actually try to help, and not just expect them to fix everything, which taking a break basically is.

    Ha if someone wants a break, they clearly dont and most likely didn't ever really LOVE you. A lot of people think they know what love is, but they don't, when you are in love, the last thing you want is to be apart from someone. And the last thing you want is for their to be problems in the relationship, so giving yourself some space is both showing you don't really want to be with them and don't really care about fixing the problems so that you don't feel the need to get space.

    I truly do believe a lot of people are lying to themselves when they say they're in love with someone. I would die for whoever I love, that's real love, not you are annoying me we need a break. I think these people that think they're in love, believe it, and almost "know" they're in love, but it's not love, they don't understand the word at all.

    If your partner is bothering you and you want a space, that's not really love. If you loved your partner you would want to resolve issues.

    Major lesson, communication is key, you are never going to get along with someone that doesn't want to resolve the issues you have or refuses to discuss them more than once. Try to find someone that is willing to work around issues with you, that is true love.

    The worst thing you can do is walk away from an issue, leaving something up in the air for the other person to fix is a disaster and will only lead to further fights. Next time you are with someone fix the problems right away, and if they don't seem interested in fixing them or think they're your fault then walk away because clearly people like that aren't worth a lick of time from you.
     
    #14 AAASAS, Oct 18, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2014