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If you're gay/lesbian: Any attraction to opposite gender at all?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jax12, Oct 15, 2014.

  1. Jax12

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    You don't have to read my personal thoughts on this; just from background information of where I'm coming from.

    In terms on pornography, I watch gay/straight more. Recently, I've realized that my attraction to guys isn't as clear as I thought. At first I thought their bodies were attractive, but now, I think that I want to have body like that, rather than get involved with them. Weird, huh. I've also realized the difference between fantasy and reality, and I've begun to understand myself more.

    I don't find lesbian porn arousing, but I'm definitely not disgusted by it. But on the contrary, under the right circumstances I can find females sexually attractive. I did a little experiment for 2 weeks where I did not watch any pornography. I started looking at my orientation in a new light, where my attraction towards older men was like a fetish/fantasy. At the same time, my attraction towards females became much more noticeable. If I was truly gay, I shouldn't be having these feelings, right? Any insight on this?

    What I do know is that with guys, I think it's arousing to have sexual encounters certain men, but I don't feel a emotional attraction towards them. I want a "one time thing, and then leave" type of thing.

    With girls, on the other hand, I get that ''feeling' for certain girls, like when you are attracted for who they are and not what they look like, and being with them gets very realistic. I wanted to ask a girl out but I chickened out because I think I was afraid of rejection. I wanted to be with her though, it's quite mind bobbling.

    How does it feel when you actually like someone? Is it similar to mine, where you get this "certain" feeling? Like you can be yourself around them?
     
  2. ryrymac12

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    Hello! :slight_smile:

    I've been working for years on my masters in Sociology with a focus in gender students, relations, and sexuality and as a gay man I have quite a bit of experiences that come first hand when trying to figure things out.

    My own personal experience, if I were to break my sexuality down into it's basic parts I am a cis-genderd androphilic pan-romantic homosexual man. That's a lot, right? Let me explain...

    Cis-gendered = my "given at birth" sex and my gender identity (what I feel like in my head) match so I was born with a penis and I perceive myself to be a man.
    Androphilic = I am attracted to men/man/masculinity (in all forms, regardless of physical sex)
    Pan-romantic = I feel as though I could be romantically attracted to (or have "feelings" for) any gender/physical sex
    However...

    I am homosexual because my physical sexual attraction is to men only.

    Does that make sense? So what I'm saying is that I could fall in love with a woman, absolutely, however I'm only sexually (and also romantically) attracted to men. No vagina for this guy. Been there, didn't like it.

    So it's perfectly normal for you to feel that way! Gender and sexuality are too complex for us to put them into a box and try to define it as one way or another. If you like dudes, cool! If you like girls, cool! If you couldn't be in love with a dude, that's fine. There isn't a need to be one way or the other. I think it's about finding someone who makes your sexuality and gender irrelevant. It's not a show pony or a statement. You're just being you.

    So while labels and definitions are helpful, they're not for everyone.

    Please let me know if this was helpful, if you have anymore questions, or if it was all too much and I can try to explain it another way!
     
  3. Jax12

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    Thanks for the reply. I guess there was one thing that stood out to you, out of all the labels that could fit. I agree that labels are not for everyone, absolutely.

    Never thought about it like that, great insight there. Thanks again.
     
  4. ryrymac12

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    I know it can be difficult to walk around without knowing who to call yourself or how to define it. That's an important part of being an individual, being able to be apart of a group. Just remember that when you're looking at guys and girls that it's about finding someone who will make you happy in every part of your life! :slight_smile:

    Good luck, friend.
     
  5. Gregarity

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    I know that l'm in Ryry's boat, too; I like guys physically but l can become emotionally attached to anyone, as l've demonstrated to myself over the years. Just my input
     
  6. Sek

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    I can understand how someone could love/be attracted to feminine qualities, but I personally do not find them sexually attractive. As someone who is feminine in a number of ways, it would be hypocritical if I didn't understand how someone might find it appealing.

    Like ryrymac12, I am an androphile, I find masculinity attractive. So no, I have no attraction to the opposite gender romantically/sexually.