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Things are okay for now, but I need to vent... But also advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MtnFr3sh, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. MtnFr3sh

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    So, if anybody noticed my last post in this section, if you haven't read it here it is. If you read it, it would make things a lot easier, because then I'd have to retype almost all of it, because it builds off the issue from this thread.

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/154654-how-should-i-handle-situation.html

    Now, this time, the argument was sort of about the same thing. My mom said she wished I wouldn't do this to my hair, and that she didn't think the person who gave me the 100 bucks for my birthday would be happy if I spent most of it on hair color. Even though he said to use it to buy a birthday dinner for me and her, or whatever I wanted. She asked if I had said "Hey! This is what I used your money for! Hope you like it because it's all gone!" This pissed me off. Then, the topic shifted just a little bit...

    It shifted to why I was doing it. I've told her before that it's because it's something different. Just one strip of color. Then she got upset, and asked if I was trying to look like this guy who is completely and utterly flamboyantly gay. I cringed, because (no offense to anybody) I can't stand guys like that, and my mother knows this! She knows I can't :***: stand it when she compares me to him in any way! Afterwards, I asked one of my friends if I act like him at all, and he seemed confused, and said no, I don't. So, that reassured me that she was just saying it to piss me off. Mission accomplished.

    Then, I shot back at her. I told her that I figured I had the right to use my birthday money for what I wanted, and she kinda lost her say when my birthday was a month ago, I bought my own gift (her money) and didn't get a birthday cake, or woken up to a happy birthday. She didn't realize she didn't say it until I was walking out the door.

    Anyway, I'm not here to whine about no birthday cake, buying my own gift, or whatever. (Though it does upset me... Though I'm 17 I didn't think it would hit this hard that I'm too old for a cake, or to have somebody actually go to the trouble to get me something) I'm here to say, that if I was old enough to not get that stuff, I'm old enough to decide what to spend my money on. I'm also upset, that she kept saying that she needed to get me one, and though I kept saying she didn't (though it meant more to me than I let on). She kept insisting, and never did. It's like, if you're going to insist on something like this that much, follow through with it... It makes me thing she doesn't care, she just said it to get me to say I didn't want one.

    When I said this, she called me a bastard. And said I was being cruel. I cried, then I said I had to leave because I'd be late for work. She didn't let me at first, because I was crying and she didn't want me to get in a wreck, I cleared my mind for a moment, told her I had to leave, then left. After I got in my car, I cursed her out loudly. Cried, then drove to work.

    When I get back... We talk, and now, a month later, she's getting me a cake. She said she's ordered one. She said that she's been thinking for over a month about what to have written on it. And she said I'd be surprised. I asked her to rate it, and she said that on a scale of 1-10, my surprise would be about an 8... I don't even really care though. It's like, I have to actually tell her that it meant more to me, for her to actually give a :***: about it...

    So... yeah... if you guys have any advice on what I should do here, that be greatly appreciated
     
  2. MtnFr3sh

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    Guys... can I please get a little advice? I know I said everything was okay for now, but things are a little bit tense between my mother and me...
     
  3. meme66

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    Well let me just say this much. Although you are only 17 you have to realize that its not all about you. I dont mean that in a rude way but in a way that you have to try and understand that your mom is going thru this too. When a parent knows there child is gay its hard and it takes time to adjust. I was lucky. My parents said ok and asked what i wanted for dinner. Some never get adjusted. She is expressinv her hurt and anger and sense of loss to you. Although in a very unhealthy way. She feels she may be able to shame u out of being gay bc i assure u the hair is not the main issue. Give her time. And yourself too. Be who you are and never stop that ever. I know at 17 its going to be hard but u have to not argue. Shes ur mom no matter what. Let her fuss about the floors and nit pick about tour hair....she would do it anyway if you werent gay....lol. But it seems like she loves you alot. When the time is right you two need to actually sit down as adults and put all ur feelings on the table. Its gonna be awkward.....BELIEVE ME, but when its done both of you will feel like ur starting over. Let her know how her words and actions make u feel and vice versa...u have to give her the space to say what her heart really feels without judging or becoming defensive.Give her room to adjust to who her son is instead of holding on to who she imagined him to be. No yelling, no screaming or fighting.....maybe a little crying....but alot of hugging. AND HONEY ROCK YOUR HAIR!!!