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Confusing friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Caleb93, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. Caleb93

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    Not really sure where to start with this one but here goes. A couple months ago I started classes at a new college. As usual a big concern of mine was making friends. Fortunately I met a cool guy on the first week and we hung out a lot for a while. He and I don't have any classes together, so after a while we started seeing less of each other but we're still friends. A couple weeks into the semester I started to get to know a guy in my classes. We kinda hung out together in our classes, along with some other people. But outside of class we started doing a lot of stuff together, just the two of us. It started out with stuff like going out for lunch because we got tired of the overpriced cafeteria food. Pretty soon it turned into hanging out almost every day, driving to the nearest town to eat out for dinner (my school is in a small town without many food options) and going to see movies together. One night he even suggested we go to a haunted trail but we got rained out. I know a lot of straight guys who wouldn't be comfortable with doing that kind of stuff one on one, but he didn't seem to have a problem with it and of course it was cool with me. I also liked the fact that he was the one who usually initiated things, because most of the time I find myself having to ask other people to hang out and it ends up feeling like things are one-sided.

    Well this all went on for a few weeks. Then one Friday night we went to a party. We both got pretty drunk and left before everybody else. His dorm is a good half mile walk from where we were at and I was worried about him walking back by himself so I walked with him and crashed on the floor in his room. Long story short, we talked a while while before we went to sleep and in my drunken state I ended up coming out to him. At first I think he thought I was joking, but eventually I convinced him I was serious. We talked about it for a little while and then we both fell asleep. The next morning we had to get up early because we were volunteering at a competition that the school was hosting. That whole morning he seemed to be avoiding me. I figured it was probably a normal reaction and that he was still trying to figure out what to make of everything. After the competition he drove home for the weekend and I didn't see him until the next Monday. Normally on Mondays we would get together to study for class as soon as he got back to campus, but that day he gave a bunch of excuses and said he'd study on his own. He avoided me in class that day. Later that night I texted him and said that I realized he was uncomfortable for some reason and that I'd like to talk about it and see if we could work it out. He texted back saying that he was shocked when I told him and he didn't know what to think, but that he was ok with it now as long as we just stayed friends. I said of course, I don't want anything other than that.

    The next day we had math class together. He seemed to be acting normal around me then. But later that night when I met him in the cafeteria for dinner he stared at his phone and would hardly talk to me. The next day I drove him to one of our classes off campus. When I dropped him off afterwards I asked if he wanted to play frisbee golf (something we'd been getting into together) but he came up with a bunch of excuses so I didn't push it. A couple hours later I texted him to ask when our group was meeting to work on a class project. He gave me the time and then said we could play frisbee golf before we went to the study group. I thought it was strange that he would suggest that after he turned me down earlier, but I went along with it. So we met up and played. Everything seemed pretty much like normal. But the next day he avoided me again and seemed to be in a bad mood all day.

    This has been going on for two weeks now. Some days he doesn't talk to me during class, other days he will, but not like we used to before. The only thing he seems to want to do with me is play frisbee golf, and he's actually asked me to do that a couple times. But if I ever suggest doing something, he usually comes up with an excuse. Even when we are together, he's rarely himself. He's normally lighthearted and funny, but he hardly ever jokes around with me any more.

    I normally don't care what people think about me. If they don't wanna be around me, then I don't wanna be around them either. But this is different because we were good friends before and I really liked him as a person. I hate to see all that ruined by something stupid like this. I'm really confused by the way he's acting and I'd like to know where we really stand. This is especially frustrating for me because I haven't made any other close friends here. When things like this happen, it drives me away from people and trying to make new friends because I feel like I can't trust anyone.

    Sorry about the length, but if you made it all the way through and happen to have some insight into this madness, please enlighten me.
     
  2. Litveninko

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  3. Cam65

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    :confused:just give him some time....... and if he doesnt accept u the way u are, then hes not ur friend
     
  4. wardrobeescaper

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    Its hard isn't it. When we go somewhere new like college we tend to gel with one or two people very quickly. We then find out we don't like that person that much as time goes on and one person pushes away or maybe leaves college leaving the other person adrift as it where. Ok, he probably isn't used to having a close friend and misinterprets your behavior as crushing maybe. That is his problem at the end of the day. It could be bad timing and somthing else is going on in their lives. What I'd do is just ask them if they are ok as you can see somthing is bothering them and tell them you are there for them as a friend.
     
  5. topher85

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    It may also be that he may be trying to figure himself out in his orientation. Maybe not but its a possibility.
     
  6. Caleb93

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    I would normally suspect that he was uncomfortable with the closeness of our friendship. But in this case he was the one who was initiating most things, not me. One week we went to the movies four nights in a row. The next day he'd say "What are we seeing tonight?" and after the fourth one he said "we've done four in a row, now we need to go for five" but on the fifth night he decided he wanted to go to a haunted trail with me. Doesn't sound like somebody who's uncomfortable with being too close to another guy.

    Then last week, after everything had happened with me coming out and he was still acting awkward around me, while we were playing frisbee golf I asked him if he thought I was into him. He said no. I said "good" and then there was just silence for a while. I think I've been pretty clear that I want to be friends with him and nothing more, so I'm not really sure what the deal is.

    I guess the most confusing thing about it all is that his behavior is so inconsistent. Some days he ignores me and others he acts friendly and even asks me to do things with him. I'd think if he didn't want to be friends at all, he wouldn't initiate anything anymore. But if he does see me as a friend, why would he ignore me the other half of the time? It just doesn't make sense.

    ---------- Post added 18th Oct 2014 at 08:52 AM ----------

    I'm pretty sure he's straight. I know I didn't mention this before, but he has a girlfriend and he seems pretty happy with her.