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Never having had meaningful sex...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by c6587, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. c6587

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    Re posting this here to see if I can get some answers.


    'm looking for some advice and opinions. How is it that some people are just completely fine with hooking up and casual sex. It's odd to me. I've only been with 2 people the first was on high school with my former best friend as a casual thing and we didn't do that much mostly oral. The second was 8 years later and that was just a hook up. I'm wondering if the reason for my not understating is because I have never been in a relationship or had sex that had actually meant anything, or had a true emotional connection. I'm wondering if in order to do the other stuff, should got have had that experience where sex actually something. I've actually talked to one of my best friend who is actually a straight guy and he says it depends on the person. I would really like to know some of your opinions.
     
  2. dapulu

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    I don't quite understand what you're asking. But I'll try and answer what I get.

    How am I fine with hook-ups? Well. I like having sex. As long as the person is attractive in some way to me, I'm good with it. It feels good, and I exercise a bit and release stress. Both of us are adults, and if we both want it, why not do it? I don't have the social conservative view that states sex should only be made with your loved one.

    On the other hand, the few instances where I've had sex with a loved one I can definitely say it feels way different, just more intense and comfortable...I'm not sure how to explain it properly.

    I'd recommend trying both instances. There've been times when I feel way more lust and passion and feel more connected with a hook-up rather than someone I've been dating. It happens.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. c6587

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    Thanks for the respond. I was just wondering if in order to feel completely comfortable with casual sex and hooking up, should there have been done kind of emotional connect with the first person you have ever been with? I never had that if was just a best friend with benefits thing. I had feelings for him but that was not reciprocated. It was like him just doing me a favor.

    So because I've never slept with any one that has actually cared for me, I'm not sure if I can have casual sex until after I've had that experience. I don't know maybe to boost my confidence. I just feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. The second person I had sex with was just a random hook up and it wasn't great (due to lack of experience) and I didn't really feel anything during.

    So I'm just trying to understand how it is other people go about just casually hooking up and being ok with it afterwards, besides the fact that sex just feels good lol. Do you at some point need to have sex with someone that actually cares for you in order to be comfortable with casual sex? hope I have added some clarity to my questions.
     
  4. Blossom85

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    I will give you a different opinion then the first reply.. For myself, I can't see myself ever having a random hook up or casual sex. I am a bit of an old fashioned romantic and I see sex as being something that should mean something and that should only be reserved for your loved one, it is being vulnerable in the deepest way possible. You are showing the person you are with you trust them.. For me body issues are a big thing and I wouldn't be comfortable showing my body to someone I didn't trust and care for, however each to their own.. I would never judge someone else based on their own beliefs or opinions and I would still date someone whom has had hook ups in the past, but it is not something I would ever do myself.. It is just a very personal thing for me.
     
  5. resu

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    Humans are not inherently monogamous. That said, you should never feel pressured into having sex just because others are doing it. Some people are just more open with their sexuality, which may (they have other issues) or may not (high sex drive) be a bad thing. Do what feels comfortable to you, while also keeping in mind safety.
     
  6. c6587

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    Thanks for the response you guys. I don't really feel the pressure to go out and have sex, I'm just working in myself with confidence and my body image, but I do feel like I have missed out. There was an 8 year gap between the last two times I was with someone. So sometimes hearing about other people's and friends experiences make me feel as if I'm behind in some way or I have not lived enough for being 27. That said, maybe there is a little pressure. But because I've never been in a relationship I don't see myself being comfortable with casual sex just yet.